


As long as we both shall live

by humble_beginnings



Series: Everything but Time [3]
Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-04-04 11:24:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 40,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4135626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humble_beginnings/pseuds/humble_beginnings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kate Allen is set to marry Tom Hiddleston.<br/>Will it all come together, or fall apart?</p><p>This story follows on from 'Everything but time' and 'Backup Girl' but can also be read as a standalone story.</p><p>*Contains mature content*</p><p>This is only my third story, following straight on from the first two. I would love to have any feedback or suggestions, corrections, etc. Thanks for reading!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The other man

Kate Allen was exhausted to her bones. She looked at the itinerary in front of her and counted: 15 gigs to go. 16 days. There was a rest day there somewhere, if she could just hang out for that. She lay back on the dressing room couch and wondered if anyone would notice if she just had a short nap before tonight. Just as her eyes closed there was a knock on the door.

"Kate! You dressed?"

She sighed. "Yes, I'll be out in a sec."

Ed Sheeran didn't wait, and he wasn't going to wait for her to get up. He opened the door and looked down at her. "You good?" He asked, the sentiment much more caring than his monosyllabic words suggested.

"Yep, let's do it." Kate's feet were on the floor before she had time to think about anything else.

She followed Adam and Craig on to the stage and stood at the keyboard ready to start 'Sing!'. The screaming crowd drowned out everything else as he walked on stage, guitar at the ready, and Kate was grateful for her earphones dulling some of the sound.

2 hours and a much too short interval later, they were back in the dressing room. Kate sipped on hot honey and lemon. "Ah Brazil. They never disappoint." Ed said grinning. "We'll have to change it up a bit tomorrow though. Same gig, same venue, potentially boring." Kate chuckled. No two gigs were ever the same, he took great joy in keeping them guessing. "Kate. I want you to kick off the second set. Do your own stuff if you want."

The smile disappeared from her face. "Wait, what? No, they're not here to see me. And my _stuff_ is nowhere near ready."

"Well get it ready. You've got all day tomorrow." He smirked. She knew there was no point in arguing, she wouldn't win, she'd just end up hoarse and flustered. "I see lover boy is doing his own gigs now. At bloody Wheatland no less."

"He's done so well, you should hear the accent! I could be marrying a Nashville native!"

"Set a date yet?" Adam asked.

"No but we've picked a general area of the globe and that only took four months, so give it another year at least," Kate laughed. "Planning a wedding gets complicated when you're on separate continents."

"Only a month to go, Kate and you'll get to visit while we're there."

"29 days," Kate corrected him. Not that she was counting.

On the way back to the hotel she got a text from Tom asking if they were skyping, she replied yes and hurried to her room when they arrived, opening the laptop and pressing the call button next to 'prince charming'.

"There you are," he said softly. "I've been waiting to see you all day, darling." He smiled, but his eyes didn't light up like Kate was used to.

"Hey baby. Are you OK?"

"Yeah." Kate knew he was lying. He looked exhausted, pale and way too thin for her liking. His eyes, normally a stunning bright blue, were glassy and a little sunken and his nose was red.

"You don't look well,"

"Kate please. I have to be this thin-"

"I'm not talking about that. I said I wouldn't. I mean you look like you've got a cold."

"Oh. Yeah, a bit."

"Please take it easy, Tom. This is a long one, remember. You still have three months to go. Don't let the pressure get to you, I've watched the videos from Wheatland a few times and you're sounding brilliant."

"Not everyone agrees with that, but thank you. Even if you're biased." He smiled, a little bigger than before. "There's just so many challenges in this one, I'm enjoying it but I think it's the hardest role I've ever taken on."

"You're doing great. Trust Rodney, he would tell you the truth."

"Yeah you're right. I've been watching you, too. Nice legs by the way. How was tonight?"

"Ha! That dress will not be making another appearance I don't think. Tonight was great, the crowd was so loud!"

"Save it for when you're here," he winked. "How's your other man?"

"Hm. Not nearly as good in bed as you," she joked. "The bastard has dumped me in it again, he wants me to open the second set tomorrow on my own. With my songs!"

"That's excellent darling!"

"Yeah but they're not ready for performing yet. One I still can't get further than half way without crying!"

"Get practising then."

Kate narrowed her eyes. "Have you been conspiring with Ed?"

"No, why? I just want to hear you sing."

"I'll record it in the morning so you can hear it first," Tom yawned. "You should get some sleep, my Thomas."

"Probably. We're starting at 6am tomorrow and going right through to a night shoot. I'll have to run at 5."

"Tom, you dont-" she cut off, remembering her promise. She wouldn't talk about him being too thin, or running too much, not eating enough, anything to do with his weight. He had to do it for the role, and he had to get thinner as it went on. "Go get some sleep then, I'll talk to you tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you too Kate. God I miss you."

"Me too."

He hung up and it was all Kate could do to get undressed before falling asleep.

Tom closed his laptop. He tried not to put on too much of a brave face for Kate, but he was so tired. His throat felt full of razor blades, his head was stuffy and he could barely run the course the last couple of days. He had to push on, there was no time for extra rest. He put the laptop of the floor, retrieved his script and decided to rest his eyes for a moment before reviewing tomorrow's scenes. That would be the last thing he did, not opening them again until his alarm buzzed the following morning.


	2. Together apart

Tom made his way through the crew to his trailer. He had half an hour before he had to be changed and ready to go again and he needed something for his pounding head and a cup of tea. Declan, his assistant, stopped him on the way past. "What?" He snapped.

"Sorry, I um. I've got your phone, I just thought you might want it."

"Dec, I'm really sorry. I wouldn't normally ask, but could you please find me some painkillers and a strong tea?"

"Of course. Everything OK?"

"Yes I'm just coming down with something I think. Thanks for bringing me this," he said holding up his phone.

"You've got a message from Kate, I didn't think you'd want to miss it. I'll be back in a minute."

Tom sat down with his head down and squeezed his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose. He didn't have time to get sick. Berating himself for snapping at Declan, he read Kate's message. It was a recording of one of the songs she'd written, titled Together apart. Not quite slow enough to be a ballad, it was mesmerising, just Kate and a piano. His eyes stung with tears as he listened to her voice, his beautiful Kate singing lyrics he knew were written about him. He watched it twice before Dec came back and stood in the doorway, waiting. Tom looked up.

"Is that- none of my business. Here you go," he handed Tom two tablets and his tea and got him a glass of water. "Do you need anything else? I can ask for a longer break if you need it?"

"No, thank you though. It's Kate, she's written a few songs and she sent me one she's singing for the first time tonight. Dec, I'm sorry I snapped at you."

"You're stressed, I get it. That was lovely," he said pointing at Tom's phone. "Um, can I..."

"Of course," Tom pressed play and handed him the phone.

"Wow. She's really good. Like _really_ good."

"Hehe I'll tell her you said so. Thanks Dec. I'm just going to drink this and rest my eyes for a minute. Can you come and get me in 20?"

"Sure."

Tom lay his head back and closed his eyes, listening to Kate one more time before replying to her message.

_That was beautiful darling I'msoproud of you. Brought tears to my eyes xx could you have Ed record the live version for me?_

Kate still wasn't sure but she played the three charts for Ed anyway. He'd asked her to do A Team and although she'd resisted he'd won, and she had put her own spin on it.

"Love it, you rock." He said. "I'll record it for Tom tonight if you want."

"Awesome, thanks."

It was getting late in the afternoon and she showered and dressed in black skinny jeans, pumps and a sequined black tank top before they went to the gig. Her hair was a mess of wild curls, the humidity made straightening pointless so she braided it loosely and let the curly ends spill down her back.

After the interval Kate sat on the stage at the piano, alone. It was a surreal feeling and she was surprised to find the nerves and butterflies had left her, leaving only excitement. She began with 'Fearless', the first song she had ever written. She had only added lyrics a few days ago when she had gained some confidence with Ed's help. The audience reaction was much more than she had expected, and she had to wait for the applause to die down before going in to 'Together apart' and 'A team', after which Ed joined her on stage and made her take a bow. She was pretty sure the cheering was for him, but it was exhilarating nonetheless.

"Did you see it?" She squealed down the phone. She couldn't wait until they were back at the hotel and had called from the dressing room.

"Ah, Kate? It's Declan, Tom is still shooting so he asked me to look after his phone."

"Oh," she giggled. "Sorry Dec I forgot he was shooting tonight. Ask him to call me when he's done?"

"I sure will. He showed me the video from this morning, I hope that's OK. You're really great, the song is beautiful."

"Aww thanks. I have to go, I'm sure we'll talk again though."

She got in to the car with Ed and they left for the hotel. 13 shows left, and 27 days until she saw Tom in Louisiana.

Kate didn't realise she had fallen asleep on the bed until her phone woke her up and she answered groggily.

"I'm sorry darling I didn't want to wake you,"

"No no its ok, I was waiting for you. With my eyes closed." She rubbed them sleepily.

"I'll be quick so you can get back to sleep. Ed sent me the video, I am so proud of you. You looked comfortable, you sounded like an angel and you made me cry for the second time today. I am the luckiest man in the world to be marrying you. How did you feel?"

"Oh my god, Tom it was fantastic. I wasn't even nervous once I was there and the lights came up. It was incredible. How are you today?"

"I'm good."

"You're lying because I can't see you. You still sound exhausted."

"I'll be fine, Kate. Hanging out to see you and then Christmas. Then I can rest. I love you, my beautiful Katherine."

"I love you, Tom. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Kate hung up and worried about Tom for a few seconds before falling back to sleep.

Tom hung up and closed his eyes. His head throbbed, his nose burned and his throat was raw. Come to think of it his whole body hurt. He put his head on the pillow and drifted in and out of a restless sleep. When he woke at 5am he was drenched in sweat and wondered if he might have a fever, too. He took some Tylenol and got dressed for his morning run, only making it half the distance he usually did. Assuming his strictly limited calories and exhaustion were the reason, he showered and went to the set to get ready for filming, drinking a smoothie on the way.


	3. Empty Home

When the first part of the tour was over Kate returned to London. She had two weeks to catch up on everything before leaving for the US to see Tom for a few days before meeting up with Ed, Adam and Craig for the rest of the tour. The first week was spent arranging schedules with Chris Martin and Josh Groban to do some recording when she returned, meeting with Luke about some new projects, and washing everything she had taken with her so it could be packed again. Summer in London was lovely, although it felt more like winter to her, being from Australia.

One morning she was admiring photos her sister Lizzie had sent of 4 month old baby William, her first nephew, when Tom called.

"Good morning handsome," she answered.

"Good morning my darling," Tom's voice was hoarse and gravelly.

"Tom are you OK? I'm starting to worry,"

"I am. Just in case I'm seeing a doctor this afternoon, but honestly I think it's just a cold."

"A cold that never gets better because you don't rest."

"Ah. Yes. You might be right. Plenty of time for rest when I'm finished. How's it going there?"

"Great, I'm just looking at some photos of William. He's so gorgeous, I can't wait to meet him."

"Christmas will be here before we know it. Did you decide on a venue for the wedding?"

"No, but I narrowed it down to five, I thought maybe we could choose together. I might even come over a bit early if I can, if you're not too busy."

"I'm never too busy for you. I am busy though, you won't see much of me during the day." Kate heard Declan speaking in the background. "I have to go and get ready darling, I'm sorry. I'll try to call you tonight. I love you."

"I love you too baby. Let me know what the doctor says?"

"I will."

Kate put the phone down and immediately picked it back up, dialling. "Luke? It's Kate,"

"Hey rock star, were your ears burning? I was just talking about you."

"Uh, no?"

"Oh. I was talking to Chris. Nothing important. What's up?"

"Can you book me an earlier flight to Shreveport, if you don't have anything for me this week?"

"Yeah, you want to see Tom?

"I'm a little worried about him, I need to see him. Have you talked to him? He sounds awful, Luke."

"He does have a tendency to get sick when he drops weight like that. I don't mind you checking in on him though, he's stubborn when it comes to doctors and medical attention. I'll get on to it now and call you back. Are you packed?"

"No, but I can be tomorrow."

"I'll bet back to you, Kate."

Just as she hung up the phone rang again. She recognised the number.

"Hey its my favourite nerd! How was comic con?"

Zachary laughed. "A little less shiny without you, but awesome nonetheless. How're you doing miss Kate?"

"Bloody fantastic Mr Levi. Just having a few days off before we go on tour again."

"We're coming to see you in New York, I can't wait."

"Let me know which night and I'll make sure they let you backstage," she said. "Security in the states is a bit mental apparently."

"How's Tom?"

"He has a cold and he looks terrible but according to Rodney he's smashing it. I'm heading over there as soon as I can get a flight. How's Missy?"

"She's good, spending a lot of time with her head in a bucket."

"Huh?"

"She's pregnant, Kate."

"Oh!" Kate squealed. "Congratulations! How exciting! Give her a big hug for me,"

"I will. I just had a few minutes and thought I'd see how you're going. I've seen the videos and you look like you're having so much fun."

"I am, I owe a lot of it to you and the way you looked after me when we were working together."

"You deserve all of this Kate, you put in the work and went through all the crap to get here. I'll text you what night we're coming."

"Awesome, I'll look forward to it! See you soon Zach!"

As soon as the phone was away from her ear she saw a message from Luke. She was flying out in the morning. Time to pack. She thought for a while about telling Tom and decided to surprise him instead. By the time she was ready for the next morning it was almost 1am and she realised she hadn't heard from Tom. Deciding it was too late to call him, she went to bed excited, knowing she would see him the next day and be in his arms again.

Tom went home after a long day filming and stood under a hot shower, letting the water wash away some of the tension from the day. His muscles still ached, and when he swallowed his throat was on fire again. It was only then he remembered the doctors appointment he had completely forgotten about, he had been caught up filming until late and it had slipped his mind. He would get Declan to make another one tomorrow. Out of the shower he pulled on a pair of jeans and lay down on the couch, only getting as far as thinking about dinner before he fell asleep.

The following morning Kate was on a plane, knowing she was on her way to Tom settled the anxious feeling she had had about him being unwell, and she snoozed easily on the plane while listening to some new charts. On another continent, Tom was thinking about Kate, too. Wishing next week would hurry up so he could see her, hold her, smell her, kiss her. He clapped a hand to his mouth as he realised he was supposed to call last night and he had fallen asleep on the couch. He knew she would understand, but he decided to call her and was surprised to find her phone was switched off. Kate _never_ switched off her phone, and she never parted with it. Maybe it had run out of battery, he would try her again when he got to the set. He just couldn't bring himself to run this morning, he was stiff from sleeping on the couch, and had woken up late, so he skipped straight to the hot shower.


	4. Louisiana

The cab ride from Shreveport to the set dragged on and on. Kate thought she might have seen every single blade of grass they passed, every window in every house, every line on the road. Finally they pulled up and she called Declan so he could meet her at the gate.

"Katherine?" a voice said behind her.

"Oh, Kate, please. You must be Declan?"

"Yes, it's lovely to meet you. As you can imagine I've heard a lot about you!"

"Haha he likes to exaggerate, don't believe all of it! How is he today?"

"Yeah he's ok. Definitely not himself I don't think. He's in his trailer at the moment you've come at just the right time, he has about an hour."

He led her to the trailer and left her to knock on the door. She heard Tom clear his throat before he said "Come in, Dec. It's open."

A smile spread across Kate's face as she opened the door and peeked inside. "I'm not Dec but hopefully I'm not a disappointment either," she said softly and walked toward him. He was sitting on the couch and she sat in his lap, seeing him try to hide a wince.

"Kate! Oh my god! It's so fucking good to see you," he buried his face in her neck and squeezed her tight to him. Kate was grateful he wasn't looking at her face, it meant she didn't have to hide her shock at his appearance. After a few minutes stroking his hair she pulled his face to hers, kissing him slowly.

"Damn I've missed you," she breathed, pulling away to look in to his face.

Kate felt tears well behind her eyes and forced them back. He looked drawn, thin and sick. His blue eyes were sunken and dull, dark underneath and red around his eyelashes. Just under his eyes his cheekbones poked out a little too far, accentuating his skin and bone face. She could feel his body under her, bony and sickly thin where he was normally so strong. His skin was pale and almost grey, slightly slick with sweat, and his hands looked ten years older than just a few weeks ago. Kate noticed when he brushed her cheek that his hand trembled slightly, and he coughed raspily, needing a moment to catch his breath. She almost felt sick herself. Her beautiful strong man was looking thin, weak, and sick.

Choosing her words carefully, she looked in to his eyes and asked gently, "What did the doctor say?"

Tom lowered his gaze. "We got busy and I missed the appointment. Dec has made me another one this afternoon."

"OK good. How is it going?"

"The film? Good, I think. I'm second guessing everything, I've never done that before. I'm really worried I'm going to monumentally fuck it up."

Kate tilted his chin up so he had to look at her. "Tom, that's not going to happen. You are so talented, so clever, and so determined. Yes it's been hard and it's going to get harder, but you're going to kick it's arse like you always do."

"I'm not used to this. Self doubt is not in my vocabulary. I don't tolerate it. I've had so much criticism already."

"I know. I read it. But they don't know how exceptional you are, that you put your absolute everything in to every role. You hadn't started filming then, and I bet you've taken it on board, yes?" He nodded. "Well just keep doing your best, and let them commend you when it's released. Because they will." He smiled and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Now, we need to talk about something else. I promised not to mention your weight anymore, and I won't. How are you feeling?"

"Awful. Every inch of my body hurts. I can't get through half a day without Tylenol, my throat is so sore I can only eat soup, and my head feels like it might explode. I didn't run this morning and I'm all stiff because I slept on the couch."

Kate couldn't speak. All she could do was pull him close and hug him, and pray the doctor would order him to rest.

Filming was wrapped up early and Kate went with Tom to see a local doctor. He was in his early 60s Kate guessed, a friendly man who she imagined had been practising there most of his life. After examining him, he asked about his diet, exercise, and work.

"I'm fairly certain you have a virus, perhaps even the flu. Either way, you need to rest. I understand the extreme weight loss is under supervision, and temporary, but when you're sick you need the extra reserves and you currently don't have any. I can tell from her face you have a very worried fiancée here," he gestured to Kate and she nodded. "You _must_ rest. I'm giving you a certificate for two days and then I want to see you again." Tom started to protest. "This piece of paper means you _can not_ work. If I have to I'll make it a week. I know you don't want to let anyone down, but you will if you have to do the whole movie like this. I'm surprised you can stand up and think straight."

Tom forced a smile and Kate got the impression that both of those activities were difficult. As they left, he handed her the car keys and sighed sadly. "Can you drive please?"

"Of course baby. For the next two days you do nothing, ok? I'm keeping you in bed."

"Ahhh Kate. Under any other circumstance that would be heaven." She saw him wince as he sat in the car. Tears stung Kate's eyes again and she wiped her face angrily. "You're mad at me," he said softly.

"No. A little. I am, yes. But only for being so committed you can't see when you need to stop."

"I'm sorry Kate. You're right, but I just want to get this right."

"You will. But not if you're in hospital. Or worse," she sniffed and Tom suppressed a slight chuckle, causing her to glare at him. "You look that bad, Thomas. If you didn't see a doctor and rest I was going to call your mother. I still might."

"I'll be good, I promise."


	5. House Arrest

Tom directed Kate to his house in Louisiana. It was a standalone house this time, with a yard and a pool, and a southern older style open house with verandahs all the way around. Dusk was settling as they drove in, leaving pink and purpole streaks across the sky. "Wow," Kate said as she parked the car. She looked at Tom. "Since being with you I need a new word for wow," she laughed.

Inside she went straight to the kitchen and was pleased to find all the ingredients for chicken soup in the fridge. She started cutting vegetables while the chicken was poaching and Tom stood behind her. "Darling I'm really not hungry, I just want to sleep."

"Sleep, or take me to bed?"

"Both," he winked.

"If you want me you need to eat first. Even if its only a little bit. It's within your calorie limit, I promise."

"OK," he pouted. "Then you'll come to bed with me?"

"Yep, I'll be all yours."

While the soup was simmering Kate went exploring and found the bathroom. She set Tom up with a bowl of soup while she ran him a hot bath and went to the bedroom to unpack some of her things. When she was done Kate went back to the kitchen. "That was delicious, darling. Thank you. I think I feel better already," he stood and pulled Kate close to him.

"You're not fooling me that easily, Hiddleston. Come on," she led him to the bathroom and watched him slide in to the hot water before heading back to the bedroom, ignoring his protests.

When everything was done she waited in the bedroom and he came in wearing only a towel draped around his waist. He smiled when he saw she had already helped herself to her favourite pajamas - one of his worn tshirts and nothing else. Kate could see his hip, rib and collar bones, and while she wasn't any less attracted to him, she felt awful that he had to do this to himself for a film. She told him to lay down in the middle of the bed, face down, and grabbed a bottle of massage oil, warming it between her hands.

She moved slowly, starting just below his hairline, working down his neck to his shoulders, down his arms to his fingertips. Kate loved doing this for him. It was sensual and gave her a chance to explore every inch of his body using only the touch of her fingers. She moved back up to his shoulders, then down the middle of his upper back, spreading out to the sides over his shoulder blades and down to his ribs. Back to the middle of his spine, she trailed down over his lower back and bottom, firmly kneading his thighs, calves and feet, all the way to his toes.

Turning him to his back, she worked back up from his feet, massaging his shins, quads and up to his abdomen, deliberately ignoring his erection for now. Kate rubbed over his ribs and up to his chest, grazing gently over his nipples, back up to his shoulders and neck. She straddled his waist and leaned down to his mouth, kissing him softly and then probing hungrily with her tongue, searching for his. She slid back so she was hovering over his thighs and sat up, pulling him with her. She kissed his mouth again, more urgently, and trailed her fingertips lightly down his neck, over his chest and abdomen to his full erection. As she stroked slowly he moaned in to her mouth and she knew this wouldn't take long. He lifted the shirt swiftly over her head and bent his head to suck her nipple in to his mouth, snaked his hand down to her slit, already hot and wet. Kate let her head fall back and gasped as he found her clit, circling it with his thumb while he slid two fingers inside her. It had been so long and he felt so good she couldn't wait any longer, she removed her hand from his shaft and moved up to straddle him, slowly lowering herself on to his length. "Oh god, Kate." He groaned as she slowly slid up and down him, letting his tip rub over the inside of her. She could feel his climax approaching quickly, his breathing rasping in her ear and his fingers pressing harder on her clit. She kissed him roughly, her mouth crashing in to his while she maintained an even pace, feeling his length deeper inside with every thrust. She moaned hard in to his mouth, so close to orgasm. Feeling him begin to shudder under her, she deepened her thrusts, and when he whispered "come for me, baby," in her ear it pushed her over the edge, shattering around him and milking his seed as he convulsed inside her. As she caught her breath he flipped her over quickly and slid slowly in and out of her a few times before he withdrew and pulled her close in to his chest.

"I'm so glad you're here, my darling Kate," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"Me too. I'll look after you baby," she snuggled in to his chest, listening to his slightly ragged breathing and his thumping heart beat as he drifted off to sleep. She stroked the back of his neck lovingly, remembering all of the times he had soothed her to sleep the same way.


	6. Quarantine

Tom woke early the following morning and felt Kate's body snuggled in to his. It took a few minutes to remember that he wasn't allowed to run, or work for the next two days. He laid his head back on the pillow and sighed. He felt marginally better, but that could be because Kate was here taking care of him. Tom knew he would go stir crazy not being able to do anything, and he silently cursed himself for getting so run down. The team would be so disappointed in him, he already felt like he wasn't doing a great job, now he was having two days in bed while they carried on without him. After half an hour enjoying having Kate in his bed, her warm naked body close to his, he couldn't take any more lying around. Pulling on a pair of shorts he went to the kitchen for a cup of tea.

An hour later Kate wandered to the lounge room with a frown on her face. If Tom had gone running she would be furious, he was supposed to be resting. The least he could have done was wake her up! She found him on the couch reading his script with soft country music playing and her frown disappeared. At least he wasn't running.

Tom looked up and shrugged. "Please don't be mad at me. There's only so long I can lay in bed and do nothing, and you looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake you. I'm not doing anything but resting, see?"

She sat down next to him. "No singing though. Reading only. You'll hurt your voice."

"Yes boss." he kissed her lips and she put her arms around his neck.

"Have you had breakfast?"

"No, I was waiting for you. I'll get a smoothie in a minute." he saw her eyes narrow. "Packed with good stuff, I promise. Breakfast is the only thing I haven't had a problem with."

Kate took his hands in hers. "I'm really worried about you, Tom. You're always a perfectionist but you're not normally so hard on yourself. What's going on?"

"I don't know," he sighed. "I think because playing a real person, telling a story that actually happened, that has to be completely accurate... it's so different to what I've done before. I mean I've done this before, but not playing someone so far removed from myself. I'm honestly not sure I can pull this off." His voice shook and Kate moved closer to put her arms around him.

"It's the criticism from his family, isn't it?"

"Yes. What if they're right?"

Kate thought for a moment. "Put yourself in his place. A movie is being made about your grandfather, let's say he's a folk singer from East London." Tom laughed and nodded before she went on. "So they ask you and you see the screenplay and its brilliant and its all accurate. And then you find out they've cast a New Yorker who has never sung folk in his life. How would you feel?"

Tom thought for a few moments. "It wouldn't matter how much effort they put in or how well they did, they'd never be good _enough."_  


"You need to accept the idea that no matter how many thousands, millions of people think you've done a great job, you might not win everybody over. That's a really hard thing to swallow, I know."

"When did you get so smart?"

"Ha! I hang around this lovely British man who thinks he's clever with his big words, I'm just trying to keep up." Kate smiled.

She took the script out of his hands and flicked to a random page, and read another character's line. Tom responded without even thinking, as though they were just having a conversation.

"You already know this," she said, putting it down on the coffee table.

"Yes but I need to work on the dialect. And the songs."

"OK then. After breakfast. Then you can have a rest, lunch, make love to me and nap."

"Ooooooohhh. I like bossy Kate."

"Gentle loving Kate gave up when you didn't listen to her," she chuckled as she walked to the kitchen.

 

Later that afternoon Kate lay in bed in Tom's arms, kissing him slowly and catching her breath. She played with his fingers, listening to his heart beat and cringing at the slight rattle in his chest. He did seem a little brighter this afternoon and she hoped that two days rest would be enough. He dozed off while she was stroking his cheek gently, and once he was sleeping soundly she got up and sat on the verandah. The weather in Shreveport was a lot like the weather back in Australia at this time of year. Kate was wearing a long cotton dress and it clung to her back with sweat after only a few minutes outside. She took out her phone, remembering she had promised to call Luke.

"Hi Kate, how's Louisiana?"

"Lovely actually. Warm and humid, just like home."

"Thanks for that reminder as I sit here watching the sleet outside. It's crazy! How's Tom?"

"I think he might be a bit better, it's hard to say. It's so hard to get him to rest though, he just can't be still and do nothing."

"It is, I know. The man relaxes by going for a run while reciting Shakespeare. He's exhausting to be around sometimes." Kate laughed.

"Well he has to have two days, we see the doctor again the following morning and he will decide if Tom can go back to work. I can't wait for this film to be done, Luke. He just looks awful."

"Yeah I saw a pic on twitter a few days ago. That's how they want him though, he knew that when he took it on. I can understand you not liking it, seeing someone you love look so sick. Did you choose somewhere for the wedding?"

"We're down to two options."

"So you'll be booking something in the next five years? I can't wait to see how long it takes you to choose a dress!"

"Hey! This is not a quick decision, and I've already chosen a dress!"

"Really?"

"Yes. I'm meeting the designer in New York while we're touring."

"And you were going to tell me about this when?"

"Are you concerned people will see me in a wedding dress shop and jump to the shocking conclusion that we're getting married?" she said sarcastically.

Luke laughed. "Fair enough. Can you call me when you see the doctor or if anything changes?"

"Sure will. I have to go, I have another call. I'll talk to you soon."

Kate didn't normally answer numbers she didn't recognise, but instinct told her to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Kate? It's Diana,"

"Hello Diana. How are you?"

"I'm well thanks lovely. Tom sent me the videos of you with Ed Sheeran, you were fantastic."

"Oh, thank you. It was such a rush. I'll be back at it in a couple of weeks. I'm staying with Tom in Shreveport until then."

"You're there already? Good. I was worried about him."

"Me too. I took him to a doctor and he just has a virus, he's made him take two days off."

"Goodness, Kate, you like a challenge don't you? He hates doctors! The only thing he hates more is rest!"

"Yes I know, his idea of rest is only running half his usual distance." she laughed. "He's been a good patient today though. I don't think he has the energy to argue."

"I think you're probably right darling, I don't even want to look at pictures of him when he's that thin." She sighed. "I'm really happy you're there looking after him. You'll call me if you need to?"

"Of course I will. I think he will be ok after another day off tomorrow. I'm looking forward to seeing you for Christmas."

"We are too, I'm so glad you're coming. How are the wedding arrangements going?"

"Slowly," Kate smiled. "I think I'm just going to hire a wedding planner and be done with it, there's no other way we'll be organised by April."

"Just shout if you need a hand, I can send you some recommendations if you'd like someone based in London?"

"That would be perfect, thank you."

"Give Tom a hug from all of us, Kate."

"I will. I'll talk to you soon."

 

It was almost time for dinner and Kate was thankful she had made a huge batch of soup the night before. She went quietly to the bedroom and sat next to Tom, noticing his face was glistening with sweat. She pulled the covers off him, leaving only the sheet, and felt his forehead. Kate didn't need a thermometer to know he had a fever, he was uncomfortably hot to the touch. She got some Tylenol and a glass of water from the bathroom and stroked his face until he stirred. "You need to take these, baby. You have a fever."

He did as she asked and lay back down, pulling her up against him as he went back to sleep. After a few minutes he was snoring softly and sat watching him sleep in the fading light, until her stomach rumbled.


	7. Decisions

Kate was dreaming, not quite awake but not quite asleep either. They were in Seychelles, warm morning sun was streaming in through the sliding glass doors and reflecting off the pool, dancing across the ceiling above the bed. She could hear waves crashing below, breaking on to the white sand where they would be married in just a few hours. She could feel Tom's even breath on her neck, his arms tight around her waist, pulling her close to him and pressing her bare skin against his. Rolling over to face him, she woke up with a start, and had to stifle a giggle when she realised the sound of the waves was actually his snoring and his chest rattling softly as he breathed. Kate put a cool hand on his forehead and was relieved to find it felt normal for the first time since she had arrived.

She watched him sleep for a few minutes before getting out of bed and in to the shower. The warm water flowed over her hair and down her body and she stood under it with her eyes closed, tipping her head back to let it wash over her face and neck. Quiet tears began to spill down her cheeks, tears of relief and release of tension she hadn't realised was taking such a toll on her. Washing them away she turned off the water, wrapped herself in a towel and went back to the bedroom. Tom had rolled over to her side of the bed but had gone back to sleep.

Dressed in a tshirt, denim shorts and sandals she went quietly to the kitchen and made herself toast and tea, eating it on the verandah and watching the sun rise higher in to the sky through the trees. Borrowing Tom's guitar from the loungeroom she sat on the back steps. Ed had been teaching her some guitar, it was something she had never been able to master but she knew enough now to be able to enjoy playing it. Music soothed and relaxed her and since Tom didn't have a piano it would have to do. Kate strummed quietly while singing a few of Ed's songs, and tried arranging her own for guitar instead of her usual keyboard or piano. She found it so easy to get lost in it, and was beginning to see how artists like Ed could write more songs than they knew what to do with. When her fingertips went numb and the old injury in her wrist began to ache she put down the guitar and was surprised to find it was just after midday.

Tom felt groggy, like he had been sleeping for a week. He could feel Kate's soft lips on his forehead and her hand stroking the back of his neck, and thought he could smell tea. As he opened his eyes he noticed she was sitting cross-legged on the bed in front of him, dressed in a Nerd Machine shirt and denim shorts. "Hi sleepy head," she ran her fingers gently through his hair. "How are you feeling?"

"Sleepy. But better, I think. What time is it?"

"Just after 12. I made you some tea and I'll get you some lunch if you're hungry."

"12? How long have I been asleep?" He rubbed his eyes and tried to sit up. Everything started to swim around him and Kate grabbed his arm to steady him.

"Take it easy, you need to sit up slowly. You've been asleep almost 24 hours."

"WHAT? Why didn't you wake me?"

Kate was about to say 'I told you so' but thought better of it. "You needed to rest, Tom." He sat gingerly on the edge of the bed and reached for his tea.

"I do feel a bit better. My head doesn't feel so heavy and my throat doesn't hurt." he coughed and wheezed a few times, holding his ribs. "Well not as much."

"That's so good to hear. You had me worried. And Luke, and your mum." he eyed her warily. "She called me, Tom. Anyway, I looked at some wedding venues while you were sleeping," Kate opened her laptop and showed him the pictures. It was a beautiful secluded Island in the Seychelles with only a few villas. Perfect for a small wedding.

"It's perfect. Book it."

"Well that was easy," Kate smiled. "We have a dress and a venue, all we need is a cake and some flowers and we're good!"

"Wait, you have a dress?"

"I've chosen one. I'm meeting with the designer while we're in New York. I was thinking maybe we should hire a wedding planner, Diana sent me some names and I think I've chosen one, she's done a few weddings in Seychelles. What?" Tom was grinning at her.

"You're planning our wedding."

"Yes..."

"It's exciting. I like it. I'm happy to talk about everything but I trust you to make the decisions as well. As long as you're there that's all that matters to me." He leaned in and kissed her softly. "I'm going to have a shower."

"Make it nice and steamy," Kate said absently over her shoulder.

"Huh?"

"It's good for your cough, Tom."

"Oh, right. I thought you were having other ideas."

A message popped up on the laptop screen from Ed:

_How's Louisiana?_

_Humid as hell. How's London?_

_Bloody cold compared to Brazil! Tom OK?_

_Yes, I think so. I think I've caught the songwriting bug._

_I told you it's addictive. Send it to me._

_OK hold on._

Kate went back to the verandah with the guitar and recorded herself with her phone, sending the video to Ed. She kept playing, enjoying the soft breeze rustling the trees and gently blowing hair in to her face. She didn't hear Tom until she stopped and he cleared his throat.

"Um, I borrowed your guitar. I was going a bit mental without a piano, is that OK?"

"Of course it is. What was that, I haven't heard it before?"

"It doesn't have a name yet, I sort of wrote it this morning."

"On a guitar, which you couldn't play last time I saw you."

"Yes... Ed gave me a few lessons and I've had a lot of time on my hands," She smiled.

"Bloody hell woman. Is there anything you can't play?"

"Let me get back to you. There's lots I haven't tried yet!"

"I'm so jealous that it comes so naturally to you."

"Tom, I couldn't act to save my life. And I bet you could teach me a thing or two on the guitar. Actually if you're up to it this afternoon I would love for you to play for me." she handed him the guitar. "Hungry?"

"Yes, my stomach is yelling at me. Uh, can I have a jam sandwich?"

Kate giggled. "You can have whatever you like. Jam sandwich coming up."

In the kitchen she saw another message on the laptop from Ed. _Nailed it. My work here is done, I can not teach you any more._ Kate laughed aloud.


	8. Clearance

_6am. Should go running. Not allowed to run. God I can't stay here doing nothing for one more day._

Tom lay awake after his alarm went off, the sun was just beginning to filter in through the trees outside. It was cool, cooler than it had been in weeks. Autumn was well and truly arriving, the leaves turning orange, yellow and red. He rolled over to pull Kate to him, feeling the warmth of her bare legs on his. She was wearing one of his tshirts, and he slipped one hand just under the hem on to her hip.

"Thomas," she groaned. "What time is it?"

"6:15. You'll be pleased to know I'm feeling much better,"

"Are you?" she rolled quickly over to face him and reached straight for his erection. "Mm. I don't know. You might need another day in bed."

He gasped and pulled the shirt over her head, leaving her naked and pressed against him. "Maybe just a couple of hours."

"Damn you and your work ethic," she said, closing her mouth over his and searching for his tongue. Her hands were on his chest and the back of his neck, giving him shivers. Suddenly he was on top of her, kissing her chest and sucking hard on her breast while his fingers trailed down her abdomen to her entrance. Kate arched her back to meet him, reaching out to stroke his shaft. He pulled away and she whimpered, looking down to see what he was doing.

Before she could move he was sliding his erection in to her slowly, inserting just the tip before pulling away again. Kate grabbed his hips and pulled him hard in to her and on top of her, crashing his mouth in to hers and holding him deep inside her, grinding her hips around him and making him moan hard in to her mouth. He left her lips and kissed her neck as he thrust in to her over and over, slowly and evenly, while she rolled his nipple between her fingertips and kissed his shoulder. Feeling tension pooling inside her she pulled hard on his waist, rolling her hips up to meet his thrusts, and he used his hand to stimulate her clit. When his thrusts became uneven and his breathing ragged she sucked his nipple in to her mouth and he shot his seed inside her, tipping her over the edge. She bit down on his collarbone as she shattered around him, spasms racking her body. He collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily, and as she came down she realised his breathing didn't wheeze and rattle so much.

Just before 8am they sat in the waiting room, grinning like teenagers at one another. Tom held Kate's hand in his, he did look a little better this morning, although Kate thought with a smile that the afterglow might have something to do with that. The colour was returning to his face and his eyes had some sparkle back. The same doctor checked him over again. "I think you can go back to work, if you promise to take it easy. That means rest, no more ridiculous hours, and you need to maintain your weight. I don't want you doing anything strenuous for another week but you can go back to filming today."

"Thank god," Tom said.

"Indeed," Kate laughed.

On the way out the doctor put his hand on her arm to stop her. "Keep an eye on him, he's not recovered by any means and he needs to keep resting if he's going to."

"I will. Thank you."

Kate drove them both to the set and Declan met them at Tom's trailer. "Good to have you back, Tom. How are you feeling?"

"Better," he said between coughs. "No, really." he laughed.

"You need to be ready for makeup in an hour," Declan said.

"Thanks Dec," Tom dismissed him. "What are you doing today?" He asked Kate.

"I thought I might talk to the wedding planner, get a few things booked in. I'll call you later, ok?"

"I love you Kate,"

"I love you too. Take it easy today." She kissed him goodbye and went back to the car.

Kate got a call from Tom just after 5 saying he would be ready in half an hour. She had spent so much time talking on it during the day that the battery was almost flat. When he got in the car he gave her a big smile. "I feel so much better today. It was a good day. What did you get up to?"

"Oh, not much. Looked at pictures of flowers and cakes. Booked a resort for our wedding..."

"Hahay that's fantastic!"

"On the 18th of April next year I will be Mrs Katherine Hiddleston. Has a nice ring to it, I think."

"I can't wait for you to be my wife."

"So we need to choose a cake, and flowers. The wedding planner, Jennifer, is amazing. She will organise it, we just have to tell her what we like."

"Cheesecake. New York cheesecake."

"Baby you can't have cheesecake for a wedding."

"Why?"

"Because- you know what, I'll ask." She smiled. "Do you have a best man chosen? And do you want more than one groomsman?"

"I think it's only fitting Zachary be my best man since he is partly responsible for us being together. And Ben. Bridesmaids?"

"Lizzie of course. And I think Naomi. We've overcome so much and been friends for such a long time."

"And people say planning a wedding is difficult," Tom smiled.

"Sshhhh. You'll jinx it."

Immediately after dinner Tom was yawning and coughing again and after a shower Kate took him to bed, stroking his back until he fell asleep. She went quietly back to clean up the dishes and then took the guitar to the verandah again, serenading the cool night air with old and new songs. When the cold made her fingers start to ache, she went inside, locked up and slid in to bed next to Tom. Wearing his shirt, she snuggled in to his warm body, her head against his chest and his arms tight around her.


	9. Morning and Night

Tom sat on the bed in shorts, reading Kate's tour itinerary while she finished packing. _Miami, Orland, Jacksonville, Atlanta, Charlotte, Washington, Philadelphia, New York, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Detroit, Columbus... 30 gigs in just under 6 weeks._ He rubbed his eyes and yawned.

"Go back to sleep baby," Kate said, zipping her suitcase. "If I call a cab now I'll have plenty of time."

"No, I've had a week of rest and I feel a lot better. Almost myself. And I'm spending every last second with you while I can."

"You get dressed then and I'll get breakfast." She walked over to his side of the bed and kissed his lips. "I'm going to miss cooking for you. I'm going to miss cooking in general, never thought I'd say that!"

"I'm going to miss you. Just, you." He grabbed her waist and pulled her backwards so she was laying on top of him, making her squeal and press her hands in to his chest. He put a hand behind her head and pulled her face to his, kissing her slow and deep. He grunted as she pushed herself back against him to look at his face, and she giggled. "That would have been more romantic if I was a little... meatier."

"Haha maybe we'll try it again when you've got some muscles back?" Kate had only just got used to his thinner form. She still didn't like it, but she did understand now how it fit in with the role. Now that he had some colour in his skin that wasn't grey and the sparkle had returned to his blue eyes, he just looked a little too lean rather than sick.

Before they left the house they said their goodbyes as usual. They had worked out early on to get it all out away from the crowds of fans and photographers. Kate and Tom had found a good balance together now, and the farewells were getting easier with frequency. This was their life, for now, working in different countries, flying visits in unfamiliar cities. Kate smiled as she realised they were in a place where they could love one another and love their jobs. "I never knew so much could happen in a year," she said softly, her forehead resting against his.

"Just you wait," Tom said. "Another 6 months and we'll be married." he kissed her softly. "I can't wait to hear someone call you Mrs Hiddleston. And then we can have ba-"

"Baby Hiddlestons? And puppy Hiddlestons?"

"Hehehe I was going to say baby Kates. But yes, one day. We have plenty of time."

"My how things change, Thomas." she sighed, putting her head on his chest for a few moments, knowing it was almost time to leave. "I love you, and I will miss you every day."

"I love you too, darling. I can not wait until you come back to me." He pulled her in tight against him. "40 days, right?"

"40 days, baby."

Kate got through the airport to the departure lounge without any hassle and waited for her flight to Miami where she would meet up with Ed and the boys. She replied to an email about colours for the wedding. They had decided on pastel blues and greens with pink roses and Jennifer would send Kate some ideas in the next few days. She sat back on the plane, listening over the demo she had made of her new songs and making notes. On the way to the hotel she called Ed and she arrived soon after. It was still wet season in Florida, they arrived in pouring rain and Kate's shirt was already clinging to her skin with humidity. It wasn't until her bags had been brought up that she noticed the side table next to the lounge had a vase full of pink roses, and a huge box with a pink bow. The card on top simply said "Happy belated birthday my princess" and she knew it was from Tom. Kate's birthday had been and gone uneventfully while she was finishing up the tour, and with Tom being sick he had been disappointed they couldn't celebrate when she got to him. Inside the box Kate recognised the case style - it was a hard shell Martin guitar case. A smile spread across her face as she opened the latches and lifted the lid, and she gasped when she saw inside. It was an OM-18; mahogany, pre-war 1933 style, subtle, classic and beautiful. Tears stung her eyes as she searched for her phone to call him, but she was interrupted by a knock on the door from Ed. She opened it and Ed hugged her before he saw the guitar on the table. "You are _shitting_ me. Where did that come from?"

"Uh, belated birthday gift from Tom."

"Holy hell Kate, he asked for a brand recommendation but I didn't know he'd... actually I shouldn't be surprised. No excuses now," he smiled. "I'm going to give you some alone time with your new toy and we'll grab you in a few hours for sound check. Enjoy," he winked.

As soon as she'd closed the door she called Tom, unsure if he would answer, and was pleasantly surprised when he did. "I'll be quick baby I know you're working."

"It's ok I'm in my trailer practising."

"I just got my gift, it's absolutely beautiful Tom I love it. It's way too much for a beginner."

"For a regular beginner, yes. For you, nothing is too much. And if you're going to play a classic like that it's best to start early."

"Spoken like a true musician, Hiddleston."

"Hehe I might have taken some suggestions from Rodney and Ed. I'm so glad you like it. I know I gave you a birthday gift but I couldn't resist. Hopefully it makes up for the lack of actual celebrating we got to do."

"I love you. I miss you already."

"Me too darling. I should get back to it, we're running the song in a couple of hours."

Kate hung up and went to get ready for the gig, knowing that once she picked up the guitar and started playing she wouldn't be able to put it down. When she was ready she sat down and played a few songs. She had to admit it was a little awkward, her hands weren't huge and the shape would take some getting used to. But the sound was beautiful and warm and she was so lost in it she didn't hear the first time Ed knocked. She put it gently back in the case and grabbed her bag, opening the door.

"You're not bringing the guitar?"

"I won't have time to play it, I need to get some keys practice in before tonight. What if I've forgotten how to play?" Kate joked.

"Bring the guitar, Kate."

"Ed, I'll bring it, but I am sure as hell not playing it on stage and you are not going to bully me in to it. Got it?"

"Ok. Not tonight at least." he smirked.


	10. For better or worse

Tom woke at 5am and groaned. He had been fighting sickness again for a couple of days and spent most of last night coughing until his throat was raw and his body ached. His head pounded but he dragged himself out for his morning run. Before he left he sent Kate his usual morning message: '31 days baby xx'. He smiled when he realised it was one month until she would be making her way back to him.

Ten minutes in, Tom stopped. Bent over with his hands on his thighs, he knew he couldn't go any further, his lungs burned, his chest hurt and his head swam. He could feel another coughing fit coming and crouched nearer to the ground, grateful there was no one else around. He felt so... weak. Coughing until he thought he might pass out, he sat down on the ground to get his breath back and noticed blood on his hand. _That is not good._ He sent a text to Declan asking him to make another appointment with the doctor for him this afternoon and walked home.

Kate woke early in Detroit to a message from Tom and smiled. _One month._ She had barely spoken to him the last two days, he had been filming from early morning well in to the night. When she had heard his voice he sounded tired and gravelly, and the hacking cough he had only just recovered from seemed to have returned with a vengeance. They had a gig tonight, an early flight to Chicago and then a whole day and night off. Kate couldn't wait, although she was thoroughly enjoying every minute. She got out of bed and went for a short run, relishing the fact that she was allowed to run again after injuring herself a few months earlier. When she returned her clothing clung to her with sweat, despite her frozen face and hands, and she took a long warm shower. When she got out she had a message from Tom and called him straight back. "Hello darling," he answered.

"Hey. Tom, you don't sound well."

"I'm not I don't think. I'm going to see the doctor again this afternoon. I think I'm just run down, we've had a huge week, long hours and not enough sleep."

"You promised to take care of yourself."

"I did, and I am as best I can. We're back to regular hours today and I'll get an early night. I just wanted to hear your voice before I have to get dressed."

"I love you Thomas. Let me know what the doctor says."

"I will, and I love you too."

 

"Tom? Are you OK?" Elizabeth looked at him worriedly.

"Yeah, I just need a moment. Sorry. Dec could you get me some water?"

"Here," Rodney pulled a chair up for him to sit down.

"I'm OK, really. Argh." He put his hand to the side of his head, it felt like someone had hit it with a sledge hammer. He could hear people talking around him, but the sounds all blended together and he was unable to form words. _What the fuck is happening to me?_ He coughed again and blackness threatened to overcome him. Everything began to move in fast forward and slow motion all at once. He heard sirens and wondered what was happening, a paramedic gave him injections and oxygen and it seemed an eternity before he could take a breath, for a few moments he thought they were trying to kill him and he tried to fight against them. The next he opened his eyes there was a blinding light shining in his eyes and pain seared through his head before he could close them again. He heard a woman giving orders, using medical terms he didn't understand. He struggled to open his eyes again or make sense of the deafening sounds around him but it was too much, and he sank in to blackness.

 

"You're on fire, Kate. You'll be wanting to go solo before long," Ed said as they packed up backstage. "Guitar, tomorrow night. I'll let you know which chart."

"No,"

"Yes. You're ready, and if I didn't push you you'd never do it,"

"Shit," she said, looking at the missed calls and messages on her phone. She had two from Declan and without listening to the messages she called him first.

"You're doing- you ok?"

Kate put her hand up so he would be quiet. "Dec?"

"Kate thank god. Tom is sick."

"How sick, Dec?"

"Um, well... pretty sick."

"Declan, do I need to get there tonight? Tomorrow? Or does he just need to rest."

"He's in the hospital. We had to call an ambulance. He was coughing blood and then he collapsed. All the hospital will say is that he's stable, but I think they spoke to his mother."

"Oh, my god. OK I'll call her. Don't leave him Declan." Her hands shook as she hung up the phone and tried to dial Diana's number.

"Kate, what's wrong?" Ed had hold of her shoulders as her legs gave way. "Kate?"

"I don't know. Tom is sick, he's in hospital. I need to call his mum." He took the phone and found her number for her.

"Kate, it's Emma. Mum is just on the other phone. Where are you?"

"Uh, in Detroit. What- What's wrong with Tom? Have they talked to you?"

"Yes, he has some sort of infection but they don't know anything else. They mentioned a bunch of tests and a bunch of drugs. He's not conscious."

_Oh my god. No._

"Kate? You ok?"

"I, uh. I don't think I can get a flight until tomorrow. Emma I don't know what to do! I have a day off tomorrow, but..."

"Kate, breathe. It's ok. Just get there as soon as you can, OK? We're looking at flights now if you think we need to come over."

Ed interjected, pointing at his phone. "I've got you on a flight but we have to go, now."

"Emma I have to go. I'll let you know what's happening as soon as I get there."

Ed and Kate ran to the car and he told the driver to take her to the airport. "I'll text you the details," he said, kissing her cheek and giving her a tight hug.

"Thank you," she said softly, getting in to the car.

Panic rose in Kate's stomach and she tried to force it back down. The knot wouldn't go away, wouldn't let her relax or stop her mind from racing. She didn't know what to think, who to call. She needed the time to go faster, needed to be by his side, now.

As the plane rose in to the sky she put her hands over her face and tried to hold the tears in, but it was no use. They spilled silently down her cheeks, falling on to her shirt. She realised now that she was still wearing the silver ruffly top she had worn for the gig tonight. She had grabbed her leather jacket and bag, but that was it. She had no clothes, they were all in her room with her guitar.

_What am I going to do? I can't deal with this, I just can't. What if he doesn't wake up? Oh god what if he doesn't wake up?_

Kate ran down the aisle to the bathroom, grateful the plane was only half full. Panic took over and she vomited until there was nothing left.

_Pull it together, Katherine. He needs you._


	11. Sideline

Kate got a cab from the airport the the hospital and was met by Declan. She stood outside Tom's room, waiting for the doctor while two nurses settled him in to his room in intensive care. A man came out and introduced himself as Dr Porter, leading Kate down the hall to a small waiting room.

"Thomas has just come back from a CT and x rays and we have his bloods back. He is in a serious condition, you need to understand that." Kate nodded solemnly and he continued. "He has pneumonia and encephalitis, meaning he's had an underlying virus for some time and it has infected his brain, causing swelling. That will be why he passed out and had such a headache. He also has pneumonia which will have been caused by the same illness, and caused pus to build up in his lungs. He is having difficulty breathing, and with your consent I'd like to put him on a ventilator just as an extra support. It will give his lungs a chance to recover."

"OK," was all that Kate could manage.

"As for the encephalitis, all we can do is keep him sedated and resting and let it heal itself. We'll monitor it closely and make sure the swelling subsides."

"So he will be OK?" She asked hopefully.

"It's so difficult to say. Given his age and fitness level, I'd say his chances are good. Encephalitis _can_ in some cases cause brain damage. We can't see any at this stage, but you need to be prepared for that. His assistant said he has been unwell?"

"Yes, he had a cold or flu a couple of weeks ago and was ordered to rest, which he did. I thought he was better or I never would have left. I'd have stayed and taken care of him."

"Katherine," he put a hand on her shoulder. "This isn't your fault. It isn't his fault, it isn't anyone's fault. He has a virus of some sort, we suspect adenovirus but we're waiting for tests to come back. Don't blame yourself. No one could have known."

"Can I see him now?"

"Just for a few minutes while I get ready to put the breathing tube in, ok? Then you can come back when we're done."

"OK. Can he hear me?"

"He's on pretty heavy painkillers and very light sedation so he will be groggy. But yes, he can."

Kate opened the door and sat down next to Tom's bed. He looked so sick, so far removed from the strong, fit, man she knew. She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed his forehead. Taking his hand in hers, she put his fingers gently to her lips and he stirred. "Kate?" He said, muffled by the oxygen mask.

"I'm right here baby,"

"I'm sorry Kate,"

"Sshhhh you don't need to be sorry. You don't need to talk. I'm here, they're taking care of you, go back to sleep."

He looked over at her, much more clearly than she would have expected. "What's happening?"

She sighed and steadied her voice. "You have pneumonia and encephalitis, a virus in your lungs and your brain. In a moment they're going to put a breathing tube in to help you breathe while you get stronger." He shook his head. "Yes, Tom. It's just while your lungs heal. And they will, so will your brain. And you'll wake up and come home to me. You promise me." Kate voice shook just a little, it was a fight to speak at all. She could see tears in Tom's eyes. "Promise me Thomas."

He removed the mask and turned his head, tears running on to his pillow. "I promise my Katherine. I promise."

She gently put the mask back on and he groaned. "Are you in pain?" He nodded. "Where?"

"Everywhere,"

"They're going to sedate you in a minute baby. I'll be here when you wake up. And every minute in between."

"I love you Kate," he slurred.

"I love you too," she put his hand to her lips and kissed it softly again.

When the team came in they told her to go get something to eat and they'd call her when they were done. She was relieved to find Declan still waiting outside so she wouldn't be alone.

"They're putting him on a ventilator to let his lungs heal. He has pneumonia. And encephalitis, an infection in his brain." Kate was numb and speaking on autopilot, her brain running through what she needed to do next.

"Oh god Kate. It's bad isn't it." Declan said.

"It's not good. But he's stable. I have to call his family. And Luke."

"Can I get anything for you? What can I do?"

"I honestly don't know, I can't think."

"Coffee? You might need it,"

"Yes please. Then you should go home Dec. Get some rest."

Kate pulled out her phone and dialled. "Hi Kate, what's happening?"

Kate relayed everything Dr Porter had said and let out a long shaky sigh.

"Do you think we should come over? I'm 99% sure I'll be on a plane tomorrow but should I bring mum?"

"I don't know Emma. I don't think I can answer that. I don't know what to do."

"Just breathe, honey. Sit with him, talk to him. You're there, that's all he needs."

"I hope so. I have to go and call Luke, he has no idea."

"Kate, if he needs anything... if _you_ need anything, please call. We love you, you're family. Thank you for looking after him."

"Thanks Emma," Kate tried not to let her voice crack. "I'll talk to you soon."

When Declan returned Kate had her face in her hands, mentally preparing herself to call Luke. He handed her a cup and put a hand gently on her back. "You holding up?"

"Yeah, just have to call Luke."

"I'll leave you-"

"Stay with me. Please, Dec. Just until I can go back in?"

"Of course."

Kate dialled Luke and waited, realising it was the middle of the night.

"Katherine. What is it."

"Luke, Tom is sick."

"I need a plane ticket sick or he needs a week off sick?"

"Somewhere in between."

"Fuck," he was wide awake now. "Kate, yes or no, is he ok?"

"Right now, yes. He's sedated and on a ventilator so he can get better."

"I'll be on a plane tomorrow. Do you need anything? Have you called his family?"

"Yes I've just spoken to them, Emma will be here tomorrow." Kate's voice began to shake. "Luke, I don't know what to do. I don't- I can't think."

"I know. Just, be there. That's all you can do. Do you have anyone near there who can be with you?"

"No."

"OK let me think about it. Just be there sweetheart. He'll be OK."

"You don't know that," she whispered.

"Hang in there, I'll be there as soon as I can."


	12. Family

Kate sat in a chair next to Tom's bed. She was stiff and uncomfortable but nothing would make her move from that spot. Declan had reluctantly gone home for some sleep, promising to return first thing in the morning. She held his hand, playing with his fingers and occasionally stroking his face. Somewhere around sunrise she had the thought that Tom would never be this still, he hated nothing more than being forced to rest. She put her head down on the bed, her fingers intertwined with his, and closed her eyes. Most of the day went by in a blur of nurses and obs and machines. Kate's brain was unable to process anything that was said, exhaustion threatening to overcome her, but she refused to leave his side. Her luggage arrived at midday, and late in the afternoon Emma arrived.

Kate and Emma hugged for a long time. Dr Porter came to see them within a few minutes and brought Emma up to speed, and she sat with Tom while Kate changed her clothes and washed her face. Declan had brought her coffee and snacks during the day to keep her going but Kate couldn't stomach food. As Emma was trying to convince her to take a break, Declan knocked softly on the door.

"Kate? There's someone here to see you,"

She walked slowly to the hall and was surprised to see Zachary. A smile very lightly touched her lips. "Hey gorgeous. Are you holding up?" She went to him and he pulled her in to a tight hug. "He's going to be OK, Kate."

"You should go in and see him, Emma is in there." She whispered.

Kate sat with Declan in silence for a few minutes until Emma and Zach returned.

"I'm going to take you home for a little while, ok?" Zach said gently. Kate shook her head. "Sweetheart you need to rest, and you need to eat. He's going to be here a while and you can't keep going like this."

"I'll stay with him, Kate. I won't leave his side and I'll make sure he knows you're coming back. He wouldn't want you to burn yourself out. Save some energy for when he wakes up."

Kate wanted to fight them but was unable to summon the energy to speak. Zachary already had her suitcase and guitar and he walked her to a cab with his arm around her shoulders.

When they arrived at Tom's house Zach opened the door and led her inside. He went to the kitchen and boiled the kettle. "Do you want tea? Something to eat?"

Kate shook her head. "You should sleep then, why don't you go get in to bed and I'll wake you in a couple of hours?"

The mere thought of being in his bed alone was too much, and she couldn't keep it together any longer. Kate's body gave way under her and she fell to her knees on the floor, silent tears streaming over her face. Zach sat down and pulled her in to his lap, holding her tight as sobs racked her body. She fought to stay awake, fought to get back in control, but she was all out of energy, out of fight, and after a few minutes she collapsed in to Zach's chest and passed out.

Zach held Kate close to him on the floor until he could barely feel his legs before moving her to the couch, laying her down gently and covering her with a blanket. He was worried about Tom, but Luke had called him to look after Kate, knowing that she wouldn't do it herself. He hated seeing her like this, the love he felt for her was like that of a big brother for his baby sister. He sat down on the couch next to her feet and dozed off watching her sleep.

_Tom! Wake up! You promised me, you haveto wake up now. Open your eyes. Please. I need you. I can't live without you, I need you to wake up. Show the doctorsyou're ok, you're going to be OK. You have to breathe on your own now or they'll make me turn everything off. Tom, please. Oh god please._

"Sshhhh. Kate, it's OK. He'll be OK." Kate realised she had been dreaming, and the arms holding her weren't cold like she had imagined, they were warm and they were Zach's. She turned her head and sobbed uncontrollably in to his chest until she couldn't breathe. "Just breathe, Kate. Breathe."

"I can't. I can't do this. I can't make the decisions and I can't live without him. Zach he was dying and I couldn't wake him up. He promised me, he promised he would wake up."

"Kate, sweetheart, it was a dream. Emma is with him, he's sleeping and he's breathing. He's healing. He'll wake up, when he's ready."

"I want to go back to the hospital."

"No, not yet." Kate pushed away from him. "Luke called me, he asked me to come and look after you. I'm worried about Tom too, but I'm here to take care of you. If tough love is what it has to be, then it has to be. I'm not taking you back until you've had a rest and something to eat."

"I just had a rest."

"Kate you were out less than half an hour and you woke up crying. You need to sleep. If you don't he's going to wake up and you'll be a complete mess." He folded his arms. "You're not going back until you've slept."

Kate groaned and lay down. "I don't want to sleep, Zach." She said softly, sitting back up. He patted his lap and she cuddled in to him, her head on his shoulder and his arms tight around her. He rubbed her back until she was breathing heavily and went limp in his arms, waiting a few minutes before laying her back down on the couch. He went outside and sat on the verandah, pulling his hoodie tight around him against the cool evening air. He called Chris and Ben as Kate had asked him to and checked in with Emma before going back inside the house, finding Kate sleeping peacefully. He lay down on the other couch and fell asleep easily, keeping his phone in his hand just in case.

Kate didn't wake up again until just after 5am. She got up and showered without waking Zach, and when she returned dressed she found him in the kitchen making toast and tea. She went to him and hugged him tight. "I'm sorry. You were helping me and you didn't deserve that."

Zach laughed softly. "I wouldn't have expected anything else Kate." He squeezed her tight. "I'm sorry gorgeous. This is just not fair. I talked to Chris and Ben, they're both willing to come if you need them but don't want to bombard you so they'll wait to hear from one of us. Emma said there was no change last night, which is good. They'll do more tests today."

"Thank you for calling them. So if I eat we can go?"

"Yes."


	13. Confined

Kate saw that Emma was sleeping next to the bed, but she opened her eyes when Kate opened the door.

"Good morning. What time is it?"

"Almost 6. You should go to Tom's and get some rest." She handed Emma the keys. "How's he doing?"

Emma sighed. "The same, which I guess is good." They both looked up and saw Zach outside with Dec.

"Dec has Tom's car, why don't you let him drive you?"

"I think I will. I'm so glad you got some rest, you looked like you could barely stand yesterday."

"I don't know how I was still standing. I'll call you and Diana if anything happens." She pulled Emma in to a tight hug. "I'm so glad you're here Emma."

"He's strong Kate, he'll be ok. I'll talk to you soon. I'll call mum on the way home."

Kate sat down and took Tom's hand in hers. It was soft and warm like she remembered and she put her cheek against it and closed her eyes. "I'm here, baby. You fight this like you promised."

A little while later Zach returned with coffees and they talked quietly until the doctor arrived.

"He's not out of the woods, but the pressure on his brain has decreased which is a good sign. And he's almost breathing on his own, I think we can take the tube out later today and see how he goes. We need to increase fluids and monitor his intracranial pressure. If he tolerates that we can wean him off the sedative and see how we go." He paused for Kate to take in what he had said, and she nodded. "We've confirmed it's viral, specifically adenovirus. Unfortunately that means it couldn't have been prevented and we just have to ride it out and let his body heal. It's impossible to say when he will be fit for work. Weeks, at least." Kate sighed. Tom wouldn't be happy about that.

"Thank you, doctor." She said as he was leaving.

Zach stood behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good. I just want him to wake up and be OK. Nothing else matters. And I need to call Ed, I don't even know what to tell him."

"Where's the gig? Chicago?" Kate nodded. "Would it help if I could get a fill in who is almost as good?"

"Yeah, but who are you going to find tonight? Without telling them what's going on?"

"Leave it with me." Zachary pulled his phone from his pocket and walked out while Kate called Diana and then Emma. He returned after a few minutes.

"You're good. She's going to give you half an hour to talk Ed in to it and then call him. She's already in Chicago but can travel with them as long as you need."

Kate hugged him. Then she called Ed.

"How's he doing Katie?"

"Same as yesterday. I'm not going to make it tonight, I'm sorry."

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't let you even if you could. You need to be there, we'll manage, don't you worry.

"I'm sending a replacement though. I'm pretty sure you'll love her. She'll be in touch shortly."

"OK. You really don't need to worry Kate, you need to be there with Tom. We'll welcome you back when you're ready."

"Thanks so much mate, I'll talk to you soon. Let me know how it goes."

Around lunch time Dr Porter came back with two nurses and suggested Kate go and get some lunch. Zach had been insisting she eat something, so they went quickly to the hospital cafe for a sandwich. When they returned they were still adjusting his IV and oxygen, so Kate and Zach waited in the lounge. He sat down on one of the couches and to his surprise Kate sat next to him, her legs tucked under her and her head on his shoulder. "You ok, Kate?"

"Yeah," she sighed heavily. "No."

Zach put his arm around her shoulders. "What's wrong?"

"What if he doesn't wake up? What if he has brain damage? What if his lungs don't recover?"

Zach squeezed her shoulder and hesitated. "Honestly, I don't know. I think maybe we just deal with things as they happen."

"I can't live- I don't want to live without him, Zach." Tears spilled down her cheeks and Zach moved back to look at her face.

"Hey, this is Tom we're talking about. He's not going anywhere. And if he did... well I knew you before he came along and you were pretty magnificent then, too." Kate could see Zach's eyes were wet. "He'll pull through this Kate. He has to."

Dr Porter knocked on the door and Kate sat up, wiping her face swiftly. He pulled up a chair and Kate wondered if that was a good sign.

"Sorry that took a little longer than we expected. He's off the ventilator but we had to reduce the sedation as well. He's doing well with the extra fluids today so we need to monitor closely, but he should be awake shortly. He will be groggy and probably very confused, and he's on heavy painkillers so don't be alarmed. We can't be sure there's no permanent damage but there's nothing on the EEG, and his last x ray showed his lungs clearing slightly."

Kate slumped back in to Zachary. "Thank god. Can I go back in now?"

"Yes you can. Be mindful of noise though, he's going to have one hell of a headache. You can both go in if you're quiet."

"Kate if you're ok for now I might head back and check on Emma?"

"Yeah OK. Give her the update for me?"

Kate went back to Tom's room and kissed his forehead and cheek as she sat down. "I love you Tom," she whispered in his ear. She took his hand in hers and stroked it gently. After a few minutes she put her head down on the bed and yawned, resting her eyes for a moment.

Kate was surprised when she opened them again, her neck was stiff and her arm had gone to sleep. Realising she must have dozed off she looked at her watch and gasped, it was just after 5pm. She was just starting to wonder if Tom had woken up and gone back to sleep when Amy, his nurse, opened the door.

"You're awake," she said. "There's a recliner there that's much more comfortable."

"Yeah, I wasn't planning on sleeping. I wanted to be right here when he woke up. Did he wake up already?"

"No hon, not yet. Don't worry yet though, sometimes it takes a few hours."

"It's been almost 5 already," Kate said.

"Should be any minute now, then. His obs are good, everything's stable. He just needs a bit more time. That can be normal, doesn't mean there's anything wrong. I can get Dr Porter if you like?"

"No, it's OK I'm probably just being a bit anxious,"

"He's due to review him at 7 anyway if he's not awake by then. Try to relax, hon."

"Thanks Amy."

Kate noticed a text from Zach. 'I'm with Emma, rather than crowd the room we'll wait until he wakes up. Just let me know we'll come straight in.' She replied quickly that he wasn't awake yet but she would let them know as soon as he was.

When Amy returned an hour later Kate was desperate to stretch her legs. "Would you mind staying while I get a coffee? I don't want him to wake up alone but I really need a walk."

"Sure, hon. Take your time."

As she walked it occurred to her that knowing Tom he'd have opened his eyes as soon as she closed the door. She chuckled to herself and was a little relieved even if she had only imagined it. On the way back she honestly expected him to be sitting up charming everyone like his usual self, and when she opened the door it was like a kick to the stomach when she saw he hadn't moved. "Nothing?" She asked. Amy shook her head.

"Dr Porter will be here in half an hour, I've paged him for you."

Amy left and Kate resumed her usual spot by Tom's side. _Why aren't you awake? What's wrong that you're not waking up?_  


She picked up his hand again, rubbing her cheek on his warm soft skin. She looked at his face, so peaceful and still, his chest rising and falling. His collarbones, sternum and ribs so clearly visible under his skin she thought she could see his heart beating. Illness had certainly taken its toll on his already lean body, he looked weak and frail. Resting her cheek back on his hand she said softly, "please wake up Tom. You're scaring me." Hot tears began to fall from her eyes on to the bed, her shirt and his hand, and she wiped them away. "Just open your eyes, baby. Please. I just need to know you're in there."

Kate was still wiping her face when Dr Porter opened the door, followed by Amy. "Still no response?" Kate shook her head and more tears escaped her eyes. "Get another CT and EEG and repeat yesterday's bloods, please." Amy nodded and left while Dr Porter did some examinations. "It's not time to worry yet, Kate. Some times it just takes a little longer. We're going to do some more tests to be safe." Kate nodded and waited until he had closed the door before putting her head back down on the bed and sobbing quietly.

"Please, baby. Please wake up. You promised to fight. Please. I love you so much." She whispered.


	14. Wake me up when it's over

Kate waited for Amy, holding Tom's hand in both of her own. She felt his fingers move, and then guessed she had imagined it. _Wishful thinking,_ she chided herself. She heard him groan as he moved his head a little and immediately reached for the buzzer to get Amy. "Tom? Baby, I'm here, it's Kate."

"Kate?" He opened his eyes and slammed them shut again. "Argh." Kate switched off his overhead light so only the dimmer down lights were on.

"That might be better."

He blinked again. "A little. My beautiful Kate."

"Hey, you." She looked into his bright blue eyes and turned away when tears spilled down her face again. "God Tom you scared the life out of me."

"I'm sorry darling." He reached his hand up for her face and winced, and she moved closer to him and kissed his lip softly. "I love you."

Kate smiled, "I love you too. Amy is coming, so is Dr Porter."

"Who?" He frowned.

"The people with the drugs for your head, Tom." She smiled.

"Oh, good."

"While they're here I'll duck out and call Emma, she's been waiting at your house."

"Please don't go, call her now."

As he asked, she called Emma without moving away. "He's awake, Emma." She turned away from him, covering her face with her hand. "Yep. They're on their way. Yeah I'm just relieved. See you soon." Kate hung up and tried to compose herself before turning back to Tom. She failed miserably, collapsing in to the chair and holding his hand.

"I'm so sorry Kate." He leaned over and stroked her hair gently. She sniffed and looked up at him.

"How are you feeling?" She said shakily.

"My head feels like someone jackhammered my brain. And my chest feels like there's an elephant on it." He smiled gingerly. "Otherwise I'm good. I think. What day is it?"

"Uh, I have no idea," Kate giggled. "But you've been here just over two days."

Amy and Dr Porter opened the door. They explained everything to Tom while Amy gave him some pain relief. He looked like his head might explode with the overload of information. Emma and Zach arrived just as they were leaving, and Emma ran to Tom's side to hug him. "My god you frightened us!"

"I'll let you two have a minute," Kate said.

"Please don't go Kate," Tom grabbed her hand.

"I'll be right back, I promise."

"I won't stay long unless you want me to," Emma said as Kate closed the door. "I have to get back to London as soon as I know you're ok."

"I'm ok. I'd love for you to stay but I'm not in the most hospitable state."

"I'm wouldn't go if you weren't in good hands, but I know you are. Kate would quite literally give her life for you I think. She is definitely perfect for you."

"I think so. I hate to think what I've put her through."

"You know she won't tell you. But Zach probably will, Luke sent him to look after her."

They talked for a while before Tom got sleepy and asked Emma to get Kate. They farewelled each other, promising a happier catch up at Christmas, and Emma phoned a cab to go to the airport. On her way out she turned to Zach, "You look after her while Tom can't, she's my family."

Kate and Zach went quietly in to Tom's room and Kate dimmed the lights for him again. "Good to see you brother, I hear you've been keeping my seat warm for me?" Tom said to Zach. "Thank you for being here and taking care of Kate."

"My pleasure. How are you feeling?"

"High as a kite," Tom laughed.

"I'm going to get you something to eat, Kate, and then I'll head back to Tom's. If all is well tomorrow I should get back to Missy."

"You don't need to-" she cut off as he frowned. "OK. Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow before you go?"

"You will. I'll be back shortly."

Kate sat down and stroked Tom's face. "God I missed you. I mean you were here, but you weren't, _here._ "

"Mmm I missed you too. Honestly the stunts I have to pull to see you." He grinned, and then clapped his hand over his face. "Shit, Kate!"

"What? What's wrong?"

"You're supposed to be touring! What are you going to do?"

"Relax. It's all settled, I can go back when I'm ready and Zach found someone to fill in for me. Ed understands, he's the reason I got here so quickly."

"Go as soon as you need to."

"I'm not going anywhere just yet, at least until you're back on your feet and at home."

"Oh, good. I was really scared, Kate. Nothing like this has happened to me before."

"You should sleep, you still need a lot of rest before you can go home," she said running her fingers through his hair. "Close your eyes."

"Kate?"

"Hm?"

"Sing to me?"

"I don't have... OK."

She didn't even get through one song before he was sleeping peacefully and she tiptoed to the door when Zach came back.

She wrapped her arms tight around him. "You are the most amazing friend either of us could ever hope for. I can never thank you enough for taking care of me while I was too busy worrying about Tom. We're really lucky to have you. I love you."

"I love you too gorgeous. It was nothing, I'm glad I could do something helpful. I'm so happy for you, and so relieved he's going to be OK. Is he asleep?"

"Yeah,"

"I'll see him tomorrow then. Any chance you're coming home tonight to get some rest?"

"Nope. None. I'm not leaving. But there's a recliner in there I can sleep in, and I've been well fed today so I'll be fine."

She released him and he took the keys to Tom's house and handed her a box of fish and chips, making her smile. When he was out of sight Kate went back to Tom's room, sitting down at the table. She watched him sleep and had never been so relieved.


	15. Intensive care

Kate heard Tom groaning and calling for her in his sleep and moved quietly to the chair next to his bed. "I'm here baby, what's wrong?"

"Don't leave me. Please don't leave me," he said softly.

"Tom, I'm here. I'm not leaving, I'm not going anywhere. Is your head hurting?"

"Yeah," he whispered. "But don't go."

"I won't, I'm just going to push your buzzer."

She went to the other side of the bed, keeping a hand on him, and pushed the button. A nurse came in immediately and went to get Tom some pain relief. Kate stroked his face and kissed his forehead until she returned and put more drugs in to his IV.

"Better?" Kate asked softly.

"Mmm hmm. Kate? I want to go home."

"I know you do, baby. Soon. You have to get better first."

"I want to hold you and kiss you."

"I know. As soon as Dr Porter says you can go home, ok?"

"You're not leaving?"

"I'm not leaving, Tom. If I'm not right here I'll be right there, in the recliner chair. Sleep my prince charming." In the dim light she saw a smile on his lips as he drifted off to sleep again. She was used to strong, go-hard-or-go-home, self sufficient Tom. Weak, sick, frail Tom was almost more than she could bare. Her heart ached for him, knowing how much he would hate being like this and how frustrating the long road ahead of him would be.

"Kate?" she heard someone whisper. "Kate, wake up."

She lifted her head and realised she had fallen asleep next to the bed again. If she kept this up she was going to need a full time chiropractor. Expecting Tom to be awake Kate looked up at his face and was surprised to find he was still sleeping, but there was a hand squeezing her shoulder. Painfully she turned the other way and saw Zachary. "Is it morning already?" the lack of light in Tom's room had been messing with her time perception, it was so dark she would have guessed it was the middle of the night.

"Yeah. Can we get some breakfast before I go?" he whispered.

"Sure, just let me find someone to sit with Tom."

Kate stood up gingerly, swept her messy curls in to some semblance of a ponytail and carefully opened the door. She was relieved to find Amy was back on again this morning, and she looked up and smiled. "Rough night?"

"Nah, it wasn't that bad. I just shouldn't sleep in a chair. Would you mind keeping an eye on him while we get breakfast? I won't be long."

"Sure hon, take your time."

Kate made a mental note to get Amy some flowers before Tom went home, she had been amazingly kind and nothing was ever too much trouble. "So how was last night? Did you get any sleep?" Zach asked as they walked.

"Yeah a few hours. He only woke up once I think." Kate sighed. "It's going to be a long road, Zach."

"I always said you both love a challenge." he smiled. "This is going to sound a bit weird, but I packed some things for you so you wouldn't have to go home for a few days. I hope that's ok."

"You are like having an extra sister. That is exactly what Liz and I would do for one another."

"Or, you know, brother?"

"Nope. Brothers aren't usually that thoughtful. Maybe you're the gay brother I always wanted. Except not gay. What would you prefer? Female or gay?" Zach laughed.

"I think you're delirious from sleep deprivation."

"Quite possibly. Seriously though, thank you. You're the best friend either of us could ever ask for."

"Missy might have helped with coordinating the outfits."

"Thank god."

As they ate they talked about Tom's filming. "I don't know how this works. What's going to happen? Can they postpone until he's better or will they just find someone else?"

"I would say they'll put it off a few weeks until he's recovered, do shorter days, do as much as they can without him. It will take much more effort to get someone else up to speed and then film the whole thing again."

"Then we're going to be cutting it fine for the wedding in April."

"Ooh, you've set a date?"

"Yeah, actually you need to talk to Tom before you go, he has some things to ask you about it."

"About the wedding? I'm starting to feel like that gay brother again."

When they returned Tom was sleeping, but Amy said he had been awake briefly looking for Kate. She had opened the blinds ever so slightly, letting a tiny bit of artificial fluorescent light in from the hallway. Kate sat down on the edge of the bed and took Tom's hand and he stirred.

"Good morning beautiful. Did you ditch me in a hospital bed for breakfast with Zachary?"

"Yes I did," she said cheekily.

"How are you feeling?" Zach asked him.

"Weak. And I have new sympathy for Kate's migraines."

"You'll be back on your feet before you know it. Probably before you should be." Zach winked. "I have to get back to Missy, but if you guys need anything, call me."

Kate stood up and gave him a tight hug. "Thank you so much for everything."

"Zach, thank you. You looked after Kate when I couldn't. I owe you."

"It was nothing really. What are mates for?"

Kate shot a look to Tom. "Oh. There's something I wanted to ask you before you go. Kate and I discussed it before I got sick."

"Yeah?"

"Would you be my best man? For the wedding?"

A smile lit up Zach's face as he looked from Tom to Kate and back again. "I'd be honoured." He gripped Tom's hand and squeezed before pulling Kate in to one last hug. "I want to hear that guitar next time."

"Deal. Thank you. You've done so much for me, for us, the last few days. Call me when you're home and give Missy a hug and kiss for me?"

"I will."

Kate opened the door for him and waited until he was out of sight down the hall before returning to Tom's bed.

"Lay down with me,"

"I can't do that in a hospital bed, Tom!"

"Oh just lay down. You're tiny, I'm wasting away, there's plenty of room." He moved over a little and put his free arm out for her to lay on. "See?"

Kate lay down gingerly on top of the blankets so his arm was above her shoulder, her face in his neck. His chest and abdomen were bare under the sheet and Kate could see the heart monitors attached to his skin. Careful to avoid them she gently put her arm over his chest and her hand on his shoulder and he turned his head to nuzzle in to her hair. "Perfect," he whispered. "I feel better already."

Kate sniffed softly. He felt amazing and familiar and yet so different. She wanted to cry with happiness and sadness and relief all at the same time. They lay a little while in silence before Dr Porter opened the door and Kate jumped.

"It's OK, Kate." The Dr chuckled. "Believe me I've seen worse."

Kate blushed as she sat up and got off the bed, moving out of the way so he could examine Tom.

"All the tests from yesterday are looking good. The pressure is easing on your brain so you should be rid of that headache in a few days. The light sensitivity might take a little longer, and you're going to be light headed and sleepy for a while. That means you need to rest."

"For how long? When can I go back to work?"

"You'll be here at least another couple of days, Tom. After that another week resting at home if you behave, maybe two. Then you can slowly get back to it, a couple of hours a day." Kate saw Tom's face drop. She didn't know if he was expecting to be back on set tomorrow, but he wasn't expecting it to be that long. "I know you're keen to get back and I know you're in the middle of filming, but this is serious. You don't want it recurring."

"OK. I understand." he said softly. "Kate, I need to talk to Luke."

"I know, we'll call him. He was coming over but he got delayed with a family matter."

"We'll get you sitting upright today, we need to get your lungs cleared out. I'm afraid they're going to get worse before they get better. If you're all right on your feet we might even let you get out of bed," the doctor smiled. "A physio will come and see you this morning."

"Thank you, doctor." Tom said sincerely.

"All going well I'll see you tomorrow morning." He left and closed the door.


	16. Windsor Knot

"Luke, it's Kate."

"How is he?"

"Improving slowly. They're going to try getting him up today. He wants to talk to you so I'm going to put you on speaker." Kate put the phone down on the bed between them.

"Hi Luke,"

"Hey sleeping beauty."

"He hehe. I need to work out what's going to happen with filming. But first, I want to work out how we get Kate back on tour."

"What? No, Tom, I-"

"They actually have a bit of a break now for another four days, then Phoenix, Vegas, LA,"

"Could you let Ed know she'll be ready for Phoenix?"

"Hello?!" Kate yelled, regretting it when Tom winced. "I'm standing right here? And I can make my own decisions."

"OK. Look at it this way. I need a deadline, and getting me back to work is weeks away. I'm too impatient for that and you know it. You saying you'll meet them in Phoenix gives me something to work towards. Four days and I need to be able to look after myself. I can do that."

"You won't have to," Luke interjected. "I'm coming over there, I fly in tomorrow evening."

"See? Sorted."

Kate's mouth gaped, not quite knowing what to say. "I hate it when you two agree." she sulked.

"OK, now that's decided. I need to get back to filming, I need to know if we can still wrap before Christmas."

"That's a big ask, Tom."

"I know that. But the pace we were working at was quite slow, I think it's doable. Especially since they've carried on without me."

"The doctor just gave you specific instructions not to-"

"I won't push too hard. Luke could you speak to them and find out what the plan is? I still can't really think straight."

"OK I'll do that now. If you could still wrap before Christmas then it won't affect anything else at least."

"Exactly."

"Luke, the doctor has just told him not to overdo it, he needs to-"

"Rest. I know, Kate. And I'll be there and make sure he does. And then you can be there and make sure he does. But the film won't make itself."

"Thanks Luke. I'll see you tomorrow."

"You will. Bye Kate."

"Did I mention how I hate it when you agree?" she rolled her eyes. "See you tomorrow."

Kate hung up the phone and frowned at Tom. "What?" he asked innocently.

"Ugh you're not even worth arguing with, I might hurt your head."

Tom had the audacity to laugh. "I'm sorry, darling. You're not just a little bit excited to go back?"

"I feel better knowing Luke is going to be here. But I know he's wrapped around your little finger as well. Promise me that you will rest, and you will not work too hard while I'm gone."

"I promise. Define too hard..."

"Good to see your sense of humour making a return, Hiddleston." There was a soft knock at the door and it opened gently, revealing a very fit looking man in his early twenties with short blonde hair. Kate guessed he was the physio.

"Hi, Tom. I'm Jackson, your physiotherapist."

Kate introduced, and then excused, herself and went down to get a coffee.

When she returned she peeked through the window and Tom gestured for her to come in. He was sitting upright on the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor, and by the time she opened the door he was standing up.

"This is progress!" Kate said, smiling.

"The last time it took me this much effort to stand up I think I was about 6 months old," Tom said. "Or intoxicated." Kate could tell from his tone he was feeling frustrated with himself.

"You'll be surprised how quick it will come back though," Jackson said. "It's just your balance is affected. You won't be this weak for very long."

Tom leaned heavily over the bed as his body was overtaken by coughing. It hurt Kate's chest just watching him, and it took a few seconds for him to catch his breath.

Jackson looked at Kate. "Because he's been laying down, sedated, on breathing support, his lungs have filled up with crap. Unfortunately now that he's able to sit up and we're trying to drain it out, that cough is going to get worse before it gets better," he explained. She remembered Dr Porter saying the same thing, and wasn't sure how much worse it could get.

"So," he turned back to Tom. "No walking further than the door, don't do anything quick or sudden. Take it slow or you'll end up flat on your face. The exercises I showed you need to be done every hour during the day and you can do them if you're up at night as well, it will help clear your lungs more quickly. Any questions."

"No. Thank you." Tom sounded a little shorter than usual.

"I know you're frustrated, you're impatient and you want to get better as quickly as possible. It will come, it's a marathon not a sprint. One thing at a time. Because your brain is still inflamed and still healing we need to go a little bit slower, if you flare it up again we're back to square one."

"I understand. Thanks, Jackson."

He left and closed the door, and Tom leaned over the bed, his face in his hands. Kate stood behind him and tried to turn him around, but he pushed her away. "Don't. I'll probably just fall over and take you with me."

"Tom-"

"I just need to sit back down, Kate."

"OK," she sat back in the chair while he got back on to the bed. She looked up at his face and could see his cheeks were wet and he was sweating. "Tom, what's wrong?"

"How am I supposed to go home, or go back to the set, when I can't even fucking stand by myself." She got up on the bed next to him and sat facing him, trying to see his face. He turned away from her.

"Hey," She put a hand on his leg.

"I don't know how you can stand to look at me. Weak, sick, frail. What kind of husband will I be if I can't walk down the aisle with you?" he wiped his face angrily.

"Listen to me, Thomas. You will be able to walk by then. If I know you, you'll be able to walk by tomorrow. Don't you ever dare to think that I wouldn't love you or want to look at you because you're sick. And yes, Tom, you're sick. Get used to it, you will be for a while. But you will get back to being yourself, and I'll still be there when you do. There's a reason wedding vows mention worse and sickness, not just better and health. Push me away all you like, I'm not going anywhere. Got it?"

He grunted at the wall and Kate wanted to slap him.

"Tom? Look at me." After a few moments he turned to her and she wiped the tears from his face. "I love you. In sickness and in health."

"I love you too," he sighed. "I'm sorry. I hate this."

"I know. Believe me, I understand. Remember?" she held up her wrist, reminding him of the horse riding accident that had her laid up for weeks and unable to play properly for months. He nodded and reached for her, pulling her close against his chest. "I'll help you if you want to try again?"

"I don't want to fall and hurt you,"

"Tom, I reckon I weigh a few kilos more than you right now. I'm good."


	17. Stronger

By the time Dr Porter returned late in the afternoon Tom was able to walk to the door without getting dizzy, although he occasionally needed Kate's help to get back. His balance was slowly returning, he could at least feel when he was falling now. The next challenge was to go to the bathroom by himself without getting out of breath. He hadn't thought that would be a problem, until the first time he tried and realised shortness of breath meant coughing, and lots of it. According to Kate he had turned a pretty shade of blue, and black spots had threatened to completely cloud his vision. Lesson learned, this was going to take some time.

After dinner Kate could see he was exhausted and was surprised when he turned on the television. Until now the changing light had been too painful, not that there was much to watch anyway. He grinned like a loon when he found Sherlock and lay back so he could see it, making room for Kate and patting the empty space. "Just until you go to sleep," she said, sliding under the blanket next to him.

"I'm not tired yet, I just wanted a cuddle."

"OK," she said as he pulled her closer.

Five minutes later Kate was engrossed in Sherlock and Tom was snoring softly. Of course he wasn't tired. When it had finished and he was sound asleep she switched the television off and moved to the recliner, hoping for more sleep than the night before.

Kate woke up with a start and sat straight up.

"Sorry hon, it's Amy. Just thought I'd do his obs before I went home. I'm giving him some more pain relief as well, he's due now and that way he should sleep better."

"That's OK. Everything good?"

"Looks good to me. His breathing is a bit rattly but that's expected the first couple of days. They warned you his coughing would get worse?"

"Yeah. Thanks, hon. See you tomorrow?"

"You sure will. Get some sleep."

She left, closing the door quietly, and Kate went back to sleep easily. Just before dawn, Tom stirred a little for the first time and she looked over to check on him. And then the hacking cough they had warned her about began. He was just able to draw a quick breath in between coughing fits, and she could see he was starting to panic and not getting enough oxygen. She remembered something Jackson had said about sitting upright being best, and moved swiftly around the bed to sit him up, giving him a pillow to lean over so it didn't hurt as much. After a few seconds he got in a few breaths, and after what felt like hours he was able to speak again. "Thank you, Kate."

"Are you OK?"

"I think so. They said it would get like this and before it can get better I have to clear all the crap out of my lungs. I'm sorry you had to see it though, and that I woke you."

"Baby the coughing didn't wake me, I wake up every time you move. And that's why I'm here. If I wanted a good sleep I'd go home. That's a lie, I probably wouldn't get one there either." She climbed in to the bed next to him, snuggling in to his warm body and rubbing his back.

The coughing would continue that way through the day, and by the time Luke arrived in the afternoon Amy had been insisting Kate go get a drink, go for a walk, or fetch something every hour to give her a break. Jackson had been back and give them some tips to relieve the pain and get his breath in between, but there was nothing else anyone could do. Amy and Jackson were with Tom when Luke arrived, and Kate took Luke for a walk before he saw Tom.

"Fuck, Kate, I thought he was getting better?"

"He is, today and tomorrow will be the worst of this and then he should get better pretty quickly. A lot of mucus built up while he was sedated and he has to get it out, this is the only way."

"Are you holding up?"

"No," she admitted, her eyes filling with tears and voice shaking. "I don't want to leave him. But I think I need a break. It's so hard to watch him like this, he's been like it since early this morning."

"Go home. Have a shower, a nap, glass of wine, whatever you need. I'll stay. Stay at home overnight if you like."

Kate nodded. "Just for a little while."

They returned to Tom's room, Luke giving him a quick hug. He was starting to look ragged and exhausted, his eyes red and watery. Kate took his hand and rubbed his back. She couldn't leave, not when he really needed her. Jackson had put the bed up as far as he could and propped him up with pillows, trying to support him as upright as possible. Kate could see from the way he slumped that his muscles were weak and couldn't hold him up much longer, but his body just wasn't giving him a break. She asked him to move forward and climbed in behind him, sitting behind his back so he could lean back in to her. Earlier Jackson had shown her where she could massage on his back and she used her thumbs, alternating sides across the middle of his back. Initially it made it worse but after a few minutes he was able to catch his breath. Kate put her hands around to his chest and pulled him back in to her so he could rest his muscles without slumping over.

"Luke, could you get Amy please?"

"Why?" Tom wheezed.

"Because you need a break," Amy walked in and looked at the monitor.

"Remember we talked about a fine line between clearing your lungs and oxygen deprivation?" Kate nodded. "Your body needs a break, Tom. I'm going to give you some steroids to stop the coughing for a while and some pain relief so you can sleep. OK?" He nodded his head and let Kate put the oxygen mask on his face.

"I love you, baby. You've been so brave." Kate whispered in his ear and kissed the back of his neck. She climbed out from behind him so he could lay down.

"That was really good thinking, Kate," Amy praised. "The worst should be done hopefully. He at least should sleep for a few hours. You should go home and rest while you can."

"I think I will when he calms down a bit. I couldn't have left him like he was, but it's been a really tough day."


	18. Rest for the weary

After an hour Tom was comfortable enough to lay down and close his eyes. Every inch of his body hurt, mostly from the effort of coughing and the exercises to clear his lungs. His head pounded and everything spun if he moved too quickly. Amy returned with his second dose of pain relief and Kate sat on the edge of the bed. "Feeling any better?"

"Yes," he said groggily. "What a fucking awful day."

"I'm sorry baby. Tomorrow should be better. Once you're asleep, Luke is going to stay with you while I go home for a shower and a bit of a recharge, ok?"

"Mm hmm. I love you."

"I love you, too." She kissed his forehead and stroked his hair and cheek while he went to sleep.

"You call me if he wakes up," she whispered to Luke. "I can be here in ten minutes."

"Kate, I can look after him," she frowned. "But yes I'll call you if he wakes up or anything happens. Go get some sleep. Unless he needs you tonight I don't want to see you until breakfast. I'm your publicist too, remember?"

Kate left and got in to Tom's car, driving the short distance back to the house. She made a sandwich, got a beer from the fridge and sat down on the couch. She text Lizzie to see if she was awake and her phone rang in her hand immediately.

"Hey Katie, how's Tom doing?"

"Oh Lizzie it's good to hear your voice. He's awake, somewhat upright. He's doing better. Today was just awful, he has to clear his lungs and he has just coughed until he's blue in the face, literally, all day."

"Oh god Kate that must be so hard."

"It is," Kate out her hand over her mouth and moved the phone away a little.

"Kate? I'm your little sister, you don't have to hide from me. Are you OK?"

"Yes," she choked.

"Just tired and emotional?"

Kate laughed a little. "Yeah. I forget how well you know me."

"You forget you often call me when you have nothing left but a good cry. I'm sending you lots of hugs and wishing I could be there."

"I wish you were here too," Kate sobbed. "God Lizzie. I've been so so scared. Today I thought he might fade away right in front of me."

"Oh honey. They're looking after him, and he's going to be OK."

"I hope so. He and Luke have bullied me in to going back to the tour."

"I think that might be good for you. I know you don't want to leave him but you need to do your own stuff as well. Isn't there only 3 weeks left?"

"Yeah and then I'm supposed to come straight home. I'm not sure I can leave him here working when he won't be fully recovered though."

"You're spending Christmas with Tom's family though?"

"Argh I'm supposed to be but I don't know! With them he'd be looked after and I could come home. But I promised them. I don't know what to do!"

"You don't have anything else booked until the wedding, do you?"

"Nothing big, no. Just a couple of short contract things. Maybe a month of work."

"Why don't you come home after Christmas then? When Tom is well again and he goes on to his next project."

"Yeah I might. I'd be really sad to miss Christmas though."

"Kate, you're marrying a man from London, and you'll probably have children, and this is going to happen. It's fine, really. We'd rather have you for a few weeks than a couple of days anyway."

"When you put it like that... maybe I'll do that, we'll talk it over tomorrow."

"Feeling a bit better?"

"Yes. Thanks Liz."

"You're welcome. Go get some sleep while you can. We love you."

"I love you. How's Will?"

"He's perfect and I'll tell you all about him tomorrow. Go to bed, Katherine. Now."

"Yes mum. Love you, bye!"

Kate put on one of Tom's tshirts and slipped in to his side of the bed. She could smell him all around her and found comfort in his scent, his room, his bed.


	19. The morning after

When she opened her eyes the sun was streaming through the window, almost enough to light the room. She saw on her watch it was almost 6am and sat up, checking for messages on her phone and hoping that no news was good news. After another quick shower she dressed in jeans, shirt, hoodie and her pink Cons and had some breakfast. Driving to the hospital, Kate felt much more prepared than she had the last few days. She knew what the worst was, and he'd get through it.

Softly she opened the door and found Tom already sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing his eyes. Luke was in the recliner under a blanket, snoring quietly.

"Well good morning Thomas. How are you feeling?"

He didn't answer, but opened his arms and she stood in front of him, wrapping her arms tightly around him. He put his hands on her cheeks and kissed her mouth softly, making her squeak when he probed her lips with his tongue. He pulled away and coughed lightly, trying and failing to hide the firey pain it caused around his middle. "Mmm. Take me home, Kate."

"Feeling better then, are we?"

"Hehe a little. More sore but less sick. My head feels almost normal." She sat next to him on the bed. "I frightened you yesterday, didn't I?"

"Yes you did." Kate said softly. "You were so brave, Tom."

"I wasn't really, I was as scared as you were."

"Well then you're an even better actor than I gave you credit for." She smiled. Tom started putting his feet on the floor. "Want some help?"

"I'll let you know," he chuckled. He walked slowly to the door and turned around with an enormous goofy grin on his face, and Kate clapped quietly.

"On your way back, I brought you some things. But take it easy or I'll take them back." She warned. He went to her bag and pulled out his script with his scribbled notes on it and his ipod. The big smile returned and for the first time she noticed his eyes were sparkling again, although covered in burst blood vessels.

"Thank you darling," he walked back to her and sat down. "I feel a bit like a prisoner having cigarettes smuggled in a cake." Kate laughed a little too loud and Luke stirred in his chair.

"Morning Luke," they said in unison.

"You two sound very chipper this morning,"

Tom stood up. "It's good to be upright."

"Wow. Slight improvement from yesterday." Luke yawned and stretched as he stood up.

"You two chat, I'll go get breakfast and coffee for Luke," Kate said as Tom's breakfast arrived.

When she returned Luke had the script in his hand, reading random lines to Tom so he could run the rest of the scene.

"Only you could wake up from a brain infection and still not miss a beat on your lines, Tom. You're like a robot."

Kate smiled. Tom was starting to look like himself again. A half size version at least.

"I spoke to Rodney yesterday, he's going to come and see you when you're home so you can run through the songs again before you go back to the set. Have you talked about the filming schedule yet?"

"I did, yesterday on the way here. They still think they can scrape in before Christmas if Tom is up to it. They've almost done all they can without him."

Kate sat down on the bed. "I'm not going home for Christmas. I'm staying with you."

"You, what? Why?"

"Because the plan was to be back in London before I went, and now we won't be. When I realised how close it was going to be when you finished, and that I would not be able to see both families... I discussed it with Liz and I'm going to stay here with you. And go back to London with you, and then to your mum's. I can go home in January and not be rushing." He leaned in and kissed her.

"I love you."

"I love you, too. What was that for?"

"Being so good to me. And I know when I shouldn't bother arguing." He winked.

"Luke can you pencil that in for me? Block out two weeks in January?"

"Hm? Sorry you got mushy so I tuned out. Yes Kate, I'll block out two weeks for you to go home. In January. You're recording with Chris and Josh in January but it will be late in the month and run into February."

Dr Porter opened the door, fluorescent light streaming in to the room. It didn't escape Kate's notice that Tom didn't flinch. "This looks promising," he said to Tom. "How are you feeling?"

"So much better. Still weak and I get out of breath easily but otherwise I feel good."

"How are your muscles recovering from yesterday?"

"They're fine," Tom lied. Kate poked him lightly in the ribs and it was enough to make him yelp. "OK they're not, but they'll recover." He shot Kate a frown and the doctor laughed softly.

"I've written up some anti inflammatory that should help. No coughing this morning or last night?"

"None worth mentioning,"

"Headache?"

"Bearable."

"Had any pain relief this morning?"

"Nope."

"Well we need to do an EEG, x ray, and bloods this morning but if it all comes back fine you might be able to go home. I'm not promising anything, we can't release you until you can shower and dress and take care of yourself. And no more coughing episodes." He listened to Tom's chest and back. "Your lungs sound clear. You have some very impressive burst vessels in your eyes from yesterday, they're expected, nothing to worry about."

He called Amy over. "We can remove the IV and the monitors, and he can shower and get dressed. We'll do the scans and hopefully discharge him this afternoon. No promises though," he said to Tom.


	20. I'm coming home

"Normally I would insist on staying and helping you, Tom." Amy said. "But I'm pretty sure Kate is itching to help you, so just buzz if you need me, ok?" Kate giggled and blushed, and Luke followed Amy out the door.

"Finally alone," Tom said.

"Don't get any ideas, Hiddleston. One thing at a time." She opened the bathroom door and Tom walked in, the fact he was wearing only pants making it easy for Kate to undress him. Amy had removed his monitors, leaving small pink circles where they had been stuck to his skin. Kate turned to leave and Tom grabbed her arm, pulling her to him and kissing her hungrily, leaving him almost breathless.

"God I can't wait to get you home," he said, running his fingers down her back.

Kate closed the door behind her and got him some clean clothes while he showered. She sat on the bed and waited, hardly able to believe the difference since yesterday, and wary that he would try and take everything too fast and get sick again. Lost in her thoughts she didn't realise he was done until he walked out of the bathroom wearing a towel. "Sorry I was bringing your clothes in and got distracted," she said, handing him jeans and a tshirt.

"What were you thinking about my darling? You were frowning."

"You, and how impatient you are. You _have_ to promise to do what the doctor says. Take it slowly, rest, get better. I can't go through all of this again, Tom."

"I promise, Kate." He put his arms around her shoulders and she kissed his chest, making him groan in frustration.

"You want some help with your clothes?"

"If I want to go home I have to do it. I'll tell you if I do." He came back just as Kate was starting to wonder, dressed and looking less like a patient. "Ta da! I never thought I'd need a nap after just getting dressed. This is going to take some getting used to." He sat down on the bed and lay back, closing his eyes just as Amy opened the door.

"I'm impressed, Tom. Did he have help?" She asked Kate. Blushing, Kate looked down at the floor.

"Not to put his clothes on, no."

Amy laughed. "OK. Um, I need to take some blood and then we're going to radiology for your tests."

Tom sat up on the edge of the bed. "Can I walk this time?"

"Nope. But I can promote you to a wheelchair."

"Can I push myself?"

"No." She turned to Kate, "is he always like this?"

"Yes." Kate said. "It's endearingly charming and infuriating at the same time. I'll wait for here until you get back." She kissed him lightly on the forehead and ruffled his hair with her fingers.

Just after they left Kate's phone rang. "Hey Zach,"

"Hey, you sound good this morning. How are you?"

"Yeah I am good. I think Tom is coming home today, Luke is here, I'm going back on tour. Life is going on, I think."

"That's so good to hear. So he's doing well?"

"This morning, yes. Yesterday was awful but they warned him it would be. Today he's up and about, dressed and ready to go home!"

"I'm so happy for you guys, that's fantastic. I'm just between scenes and thought I'd check in so I'd better get back to it. Give Tom a hug, or something, from me."

"I will."

Kate passed Luke in the hall. I'm just ducking out for a minute, are you going back to Tom's?"

"Nah I'll wait and see if he's coming home. I had a few hours sleep. Where are you going?"

"There's a florist down the road, I'm going to get some flowers for Amy."

"I'll go. You can't just walk down the street with all the people sniffing around out there. The news has started to get out that Tom isn't on set, people saw the ambulance, you're here instead of with Ed. We'll do a release this afternoon, until then you stay here."

"Oh. OK. I didn't even think about that."

"That's why I'm here," he said, turning and walking down toward the door.

The afternoon dragged, the clock ticked away slowly and Tom had dozed off sitting up in bed waiting for Dr Porter to return with his results. Kate and Luke were playing cards quietly at the table and it was obvious Luke was preoccupied because he was losing every hand.

"What's on your mind, Lukey?"

"Just Tom. What I'm going to say in the statement. How the film will pan out." He sighed. "And the huge pile of scripts waiting for him on my desk. I've read them and I'm pretty sure he'll want to go for all of them. Which is great, plenty of work and all that. But he is going to burn himself out again if he keeps this up. And then there's you, you two are going to get married and it will just get more hectic. You'll want to see more of one another, you'll both be working more, then there will be babies-"

"Jesus, Luke. Slow down. How about one week at a time. We can both work on slowing him down, but if he wants to go for every part, let him. I'm not going to let him burn himself out, even if I have to give up my own career to be sure."

Finally Dr Porter opened the door and Tom's eyes snapped open. "Can I go home?"

The doctor laughed. "Yes. But there are some conditions. No work for the rest of the week. After that, half days, and the medic on set will supervise you and you will listen if he tells you to do something. Nothing strenuous, and I mean _nothing._ No exercise, nothing that will increase your breathing for another 10 days." He looked at Kate and raised his eyebrows. "Are we clear?" Realisation dawned on her face and she nodded solemnly. "If you have any doubts, come straight back in. Any headache that doesn't resolve in a couple of hours or affects your vision, come straight here."

"Got it. Thank you so much doctor, for everything."

"My pleasure, Mr Hiddleston. Take care of yourself."


	21. Serenity

Kate drove Luke and Tom back to the house. Tom looked around at everything like a man who'd been released from prison. When they arrived Luke helped him inside while Kate got their bags. It was almost time for dinner so she went to the kitchen while Tom lay down on the couch and Luke took his things to the guest room. After putting their risotto in the oven Kate went to sit with Tom and was surprised to find him awake.

"Gosh it's so good to be home. Even if this isn't really home. It's close enough." He smiled up at her. "Oh Katherine the things I want to do to you."

"You can't, you heard the doctor. A week, at least, and by then I'll be back with Ed." Tom pouted at her and she stroked his cheek. "It's only a month and I'll be back. Please promise me you'll rest."

"I will. I want to be back in shape when you come back. On the inside at least, the outside will have to wait until Christmas break." Kate rolled her eyes. She sat down on the floor in front of him and kissed his mouth softly, grazing her teeth lightly over his bottom lip and tongue. After a few moments Tom pulled away and stared in to her eyes, his hands on her cheeks. "This is going to be the longest month of my life."

After dinner Luke and Tom were both ready to fall asleep in their chairs. Kate cleared the kitchen and stood at the window, listening to the serene silence. She guessed they were both sleeping already and walked as quietly as she could to Tom's bedroom to peek in the door. He was snoring softly, all Kate could see above the covers was his bare shoulders. She watched his chest rise and fall for a few minutes before going back to the loungeroom and taking her guitar from its case. She hadn't had a chance to play in days, and she was soothed by the warm sound, how comfortable it was beginning to feel under her fingers. Grateful for everything being taken care of and something else to focus on, she played and sang softly for hours, until the pads of her fingers stung and went numb.

Kate showered quickly and put on the shirt she had slept in the previous night, sliding carefully in to bed next to Tom. He was wearing only soft cotton pants, his chest was bare and he rolled over the cuddle her in his arms. The sound of his breathing, his arms around her, his smell and the sense of relief she felt at finally having him home were like a warm blanket around her, and she fell asleep with a contented smile on her lips.

Tom was gasping for breath and Kate woke with a start, sitting up and trying to orientate herself. He was sitting up on the edge of the bed, wheezing and coughing. "You ok baby?" She asked sleepily. In the very faint light she could just see him shake his head, and she leaned over him to get to the steroid inhaler the hospital had sent him home with, administering it as instructed. After a couple of minutes that felt like hours, he finally managed a slow, deep breath, filling his lungs. Kate rubbed his back while he recovered and noticed he was holding the side of his head with his hand. "Headache?" Tom nodded, still unable to speak. She went to the bathroom and got him some painkillers and filled a glass of water, returning to kneel on the for in front of him and putting them on the nightstand. She held his hands and he looked down at her, brushing her hair from her face and stroking her cheek.

"Thank you." He whispered. "All I wanted was painkillers, a drink and the toilet. I think I sat up too quickly."

"I'll give you a hand to get up when you're ready," Kate said, putting her head down on his lap. He played with her hair for a few more minutes before lifting her head so he could stand up and walk to the bathroom. When he returned Kate was back in bed waiting for him and he pulled her close, snuggling in to her back. She listened until his breathing slowed and she knew he was asleep before she closed her eyes.

Kate woke again and could smell something familiar. _Pancakes. Pancakes? If he's cooking I'llkill him._ She partially opened her eyes, and realised she could feel Tom's warm body against her, moving with his even sleepy breath. Weak autumn sun was fighting it's way through the curtains and she could see 7 on the clock, the rest of the numbers obscured by a bottle of water. She realised it must be Luke making pancakes, and stood up to get dressed.

Down in the kitchen she caught Luke singing away to himself while he cooked. "Morning," he said cheerfully.

"Smells delicious," Kate began pulling plates and cutlery out of the cupboard and looking for maple syrup.

"Did he sleep ok?" Luke asked.

"He woke up once coughing and couldn't breathe but otherwise yeah."

"So, you're out of here in the morning?"

Kate sat down at the bench and sighed. "I don't know if I'm ready, Luke. Do you know what it's like getting a call to say your fiancé has coughed up blood and passed out and is in ICU? It's god damn scary. Last night he woke up and couldn't breathe. If I hadn't got his inhaler I don't know what would have happened."

"I'll be here, Kate. I can look after him."

"Really? Will you hear him gasping for breath? Will you know by how he's sitting up in bed that his head is pounding? Please tell me how you're going to look after him from your bed down the hall, where you're asleep!" Kate hadn't realised she had raised her voice until she saw the startled look on Luke's face. He put his hands up in mock surrender.

"Kate-"

"Shit, Luke, I'm sorry." Kate put her head down, face in her hands.

He took the last pancake from the pan, turned it off, and sat down next to her. "I know you're worried, Kate. I know you love him and you're scared something will happen and you'll wish you were here."

"We had such a good thing going. Everything was perfect. I _knew_ he was sick, I knew he was too thin and I knew he would keep pushing himself. And I left. I left him, Luke. I'm going to be his wife, I'm supposed to take care of him, and I _left."_ Luke put his hand on her shoulder. "He could have died." She said almost inaudibly.

"But I didn't," Tom said softly behind her. Kate almost jumped out of her chair, she thought he was still sleeping and hadn't heard him coming. He surprised her by kissing her gently on the cheek, and then whispered in her ear. "We will talk after breakfast." Raising his voice to normal, he turned to Luke. "Smells good, I'm starving."


	22. Fret

After breakfast Tom took Kate's hand and led her out to the verandah, closing the door behind them. He let out what she thought was an exasperated sigh and ran his fingers back through his hair. For once Kate couldn't read his expression, whether he was mad at her or going to apologise for worrying her. She suddenly felt cold and pulled her long knitted cardigan tight around her.

"Luke and I are _very_ close, you know that. He would never, ever, let any harm come to me if he could help it. He will look after me, Kate, and he will make sure I look after myself."

"I'm s-" Kate started. Tom put his hand up to silence her.

"I'm not finished. You know me now. You know I give everything I have, every single time. I will admit this time I let myself get too run down, but I've learned my lesson. You know what you're getting in to, and you've had time to get used to it. I give everything to my work, but I also give everything to you, and hopefully one day our children. This is not at all a commitment I take lightly, and I need you to understand that while I am offered work I am going to keep taking it on and keep pushing myself to the limit. Because one day it won't be there, and I can't slack off just because I've had huge success with one role." He stopped to clear his throat but Kate wasn't game to speak yet. Until now he had been leaning on the railing, facing away from her. Now he turned and took her hands in his, looking in to her eyes.

"One day, I want to settle down in a big house with you. Have children and pets and the whole deal. But I have to work while the work is there, Kate. And so do you. That means we can't always be together, and that means we have to be able to trust one another. I trust you, and I trust Ed to look after you if you need it. I have known Luke for a long time, I trust him with my life. I need you to do the same."

"OK," she said softly.

Tom led her to the swinging chair on the verandah and they sat down. "I have to tell you something." he said solemnly.

"When we met, I wasn't looking for any sort of relationship. In fact I was actively avoiding it. I've told you this before, I just couldn't avoid you. You completely turned my world on its head, and at the worst possible time. You've filled a void I never knew I had, and I love you to my bones. But I don't want you to be worrying about me all the time, or thinking about giving up your dreams and your career because of me. I want you to be happy and confident and shine, without the burden I can see on your shoulders now."

Kate met his gaze. "You're not a burden, Tom. At all. I worry because I care about you."

"I know that. But you shouldn't have to. Katherine, I want you to give this some serious consideration while you're away. You've got a month and I want you to really think about whether this is what you want. It's not going to magically change after the wedding." Kate's heart suddenly dropped to the pit of her stomach.

"Wait. Are you breaking up with me?" Her head swam and everything was spinning. _How did we get from me yelling at Luke, to this?_  


"No, I'm not. I'm giving you an out. It would almost kill me to let you go, but if it will mean you stop sacrificing your dreams to support me, then I will. I don't want you to answer me now, I want you to think about it. Really think about it."

"Tom, I don't need to think about it. There's nothing to think about. It sounds a lot like you're saying _you_ can have your career and love, but Ican't because I don't stop caring about you when you're not in front of my face!" For the second time in an hour Kate had raised her voice without realising, and she struggled to control it. "You're saying you don't want to marry me if I want to take care of you. That doesn't make any sense."

"That's not what I'm saying at all-"

"Well then maybe _you_ need some time to think," Kate turned and went inside, making a deliberate effort not to slam the door behind her. She went to the bedroom where her suitcase was mostly still packed and put in the clean clothes that Zach had brought to the hospital for her. After considering for a moment, she put in the dirty ones as well, deciding she could wash them when she got to Phoenix. Packing was easier seeing as she hadn't really unpacked, and by the time she heard Tom come back inside she was changing in to her running clothes. He leaned against the door frame, and she kept her back turned until he took the hint and went back to the lounge room. Kate took one last look at her packed luggage on her side of the bed and picked up her phone and keys, walking purposefully out the back door.

 

Kate walked for almost an hour before getting to the running track near the river. By that point she was fuming, how could he tell her not to care about him, not to worry about him. And how could he so easily offer to let her go, as if she were nothing to him. Picking up speed, Kate started to jog, and then run. All the time she'd been confined to a hospital room had taken its toll, and running with the cold river air freezing her face felt good. Before she realised her lungs were burning, half an hour had passed and she turned back the way she had come. Idly she wondered if she could just run the emotions away rather than cry or vomit them out like she usually did. At the end of the track she didn't stop, continuing to run until she was half way home, her legs almost buckling beneath her. She stopped for a moment to catch her breath before walking the rest of the way at a stroll. Partly because she was tired and wanted to give her pounding heart and screaming muscles a good cool down, and partly because she knew Tom would be waiting when she got home.


	23. Runaway

Luke had spent an hour and a half on the phone and answering emails. Tom was on the couch listening to his ipod, he had his script and some notes in his lap but his eyes were closed. He opened them and looked up when Luke walked past, removing his earphones.

"Where's Kate?" Luke asked.

"I think she went for a run,"

"Tom, that was more than two hours ago. She hasn't come back yet?"

"Nope."

"Did something happen? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yes. And no."

"Is this about our conversation this morning? She's still raw, Tom. She thought she was going to lose you. The yelling was uncalled for but she has a reason to be worried."

Tom rubbed his temple absently. "Why do you ask if I want to talk about it if you're going to make me either way?"

"Because I'd rather hear it now than after she's gone. Because I know you. Because it's my job to make sure you don't make stupid mistakes, and I think you're about to."

"I haven't done anything. I asked her to think about whether this life is really what she wants. She shouldn't have to worry about me."

"No of course she shouldn't. Caring isn't what marriage is about at all. You weren't at all concerned about her during the trial, were you? And you didn't turn down a film to be there with her?"

"I said I didn't want to talk about it," Tom stood up, heading in the direction of the bedroom.

"Well then just listen," Luke started. Tom didn't turn around but he stopped at the doorway. "As her publicist, if you're going to let her go so easily, if she means so little to you you'd push her away for caring too much about you. Just let her go. Break her heart and move on but do it quickly, don't draw it out while she plans your wedding. I want to manage Kate Allen, not 'the poor sod Tom Hiddleston left at the altar'. And as _your_ publicist, and friend... you are making a huge mistake if you don't fix this, now. Today."

"She is _everything_ to me, Luke. Don't you dare suggest otherwise. I just want to protect her."

"Do you honestly, when you look at her, see a woman in need of protection? You're always telling everyone how strong, confident, independent and gutsy she is. Is she so vulnerable? Have you seen how she has coped this week? Yes, I sent Zach to look after her. I wanted to make sure she ate and rested when she needed to. She doesn't need protection, Tom. I can't understand why I can see that but you don't." he paused for a moment and could see Tom rubbing his head again. "I'm starting to wonder if you fell in love with a woman who had lost her confidence and had no belief in herself, and now that she's found that and is absolutely thriving you wonder what your role in her life is."

Tom couldn't take any more, his head pounded and his chest burned. He continued to the bedroom and closed the door, not looking back at Luke. Taking some painkillers with the bottle of water Kate had filled and left on his nightstand, he closed the heavy curtains and got under the covers.

 

Kate returned to the house, walking slowly and reluctantly. Opening the door, she spotted Luke at the table typing on his laptop. "I was wondering when you'd be back," he said without looking up. "Tom has gone back to bed."

"Good," Kate said. "That's, good, I guess. He needs to sleep." She went to the fridge for a drink of water.

"Kate,-"

"I don't want to talk about it, Luke."

"He didn't mean... he only said what he said because he loves you."

"Right. He's willing to let me go so easily because he loves me. Makes sense."

"No, he's willing to break his own heart because he thinks he's holding you back." Kate slumped in to a chair.

"Well that's just stupid. I don't need his permission, I never have. I can take care of myself, and I don't see how pushing me away is doing me any favours."

"You need to trust that he can take care of him self, too."

Kate grunted back at him as she took a mouthful of water.

"Do you want to know what I think?"

"I think you're going to tell me anyway." Luke caught the slightest hint of a smile.

"When you two met, he was completely taken with you. Intoxicated. Hooked. You get the idea... You might have been the same person, but you've changed a lot, too. You're so confident, you're thriving on stage, in public. It's actually something I'm really proud to be a part of, seeing how you've moved out of your teeny tiny comfort zone and come in to your own. Well, I think he felt needed before. He supported you and built you up and encouraged you, and now you might not need so much of that any more he's not sure where he fits in to your life. I think he expected every goodbye to be difficult, to be constantly asked when he was going to stop. And instead you're going in your own direction."

"So he needs me to need him?"

"Not necessarily, I think he's just not sure where to go from here. He wants to worry about you, but not the other way around. He thinks you shouldn't have to, that's his job not yours. He got used to spoiling you, and surprising you, and taking care of you. He likes to do that, and this is all foreign to him. You've turned his world on its head. He just needs to get used to it."

Kate thought for a few minutes in silence and then got up to have a shower. "Luke?"

"Mm?" he looked up as she walked past.

"Men are stupid."

"We prefer the term 'simple'."

Kate shook her head as she walked away. What Luke had said somewhat made sense, but it didn't explain or excuse what Tom had said. Standing under the warm shower she wondered if Luke was right. Because if he wasn't, she truly feared it might be over. And if he was, she shuddered at the idea of the way she was before, believing she deserved nothing good. So much work had gone in to where she was now, she had earned it, and she wasn't going to apologise for it. If Tom had to be needed to feel loved, to be needed by someone who lacked the energy to worry about anyone else because they were so broken themselves... he wasn't going to find that in Kate. Never again.


	24. Anger

Tom stirred and rolled over, his arms reaching for Kate. When all he felt was cold sheets he opened his eyes and saw 17:54 on the clock. _Fuck._ The medication the hospital had sent him home with worked but it also knocked him out quickly. His stomach rumbled and he realised he had slept through lunch. Trying to clear his head, he sat up slowly and the events from this morning came crashing back. No doubt Kate was still angry, and he still hadn't worked out if she might be right to feel that way. His emotions were as foggy as his brain. He looked over to her side of the bed and it dawned on him that her things were gone, all of them. _No..._  


He stood up out of bed and had to sit back down when pain seared through his skull. Waiting a few moments until it subsided, he stood slowly, walking to the door and opening it quietly. Relief flooded over him when he saw Kate's bags at the door. At least she hadn't left. He could hear the faint sound of her voice and guitar and he went to the back door, standing just inside so he could listen.

Tom remembered the first time he had done similar; they had just started dating and he had surprised her at the studio. He had only listened for a moment outside the door, his spine tingling at the sound of the piano mixed with her voice. She had been so self-conscious she was unable to play in front of him, and she had stopped as soon as she saw him. The first time she had played _for_ him, at her apartment in LA, had brought him to tears. The effect hadn't lessened over time, he loved listening to her and he was covered in goosebumps as he stood silently just inside the door. When she finished he stepped out on to the verandah and was disappointed when she put the guitar down. She was sitting on the wooden boards cross legged, wearing jeans and a thick cardigan, her hair falling over her shoulders. "Luke has gone to get some Chinese," she said without looking up. "He should be back any minute."

"May I sit?" he asked.

"Of course, it's your house." Kate tried not to clip her words, but only half succeeded. "I was about to set the table anyway."

"Kate,"

"What? Do you want to take it all back? Change your mind? Or do you still want me to go think about whether I want to marry you, obviously I didn't make an informed decision when I said yes the first time." Tom looked down at the floor. He had expected she would still be angry, he didn't expect she would be more angry than this morning.

"Please don't be mad. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

"Do you still want me to think about it while I'm away?"

"Yes, I do. I want you to be sure-"

"Well then you need to let me think about it." She cut him off and went to the kitchen.

 

By the time Luke returned the tension was palpable. They ate almost in silence and he tried his best to break it with conversation.

"Can I drive you to the airport in the morning?" he asked Kate.

"Yes please. I need to be there at seven thirty."

"I can drive if you like, give Luke a sleep in."

"You're not allowed to drive, Tom. It's fine, I don't mind. I guess you're coming with us though?" Luke looked at Kate. She had to fight the urge to dig her heels in like a teenager. _He's not the enemy,_ she reminded herself.

"Of course, as long as you've had enough sleep."

Kate excused herself from the table and went to the lounge room with her laptop, adding some more to a song she had been writing earlier.

 

Later in the evening, when Tom couldn't keep his eyes open any longer, he leaned over the back of the couch and kissed the top of Kate's head. "I'm going to bed." he said gently.

"I'm not ready yet, I'll be there in a while," Kate said to the laptop screen. He came back and sat next to her.

"Kate, are we... are we OK? Please don't snap at me or yell at me. I just need to know."

She closed the laptop and looked at his face. "I don't know, Tom. That's the truth. I do not know. You can't have expected me to just say 'oh OK then, sure, I'll reconsider your proposal'. That's not just an offhand statement, it was calm and calculated. You completely caught me off guard, it was like you'd changed your mind and didn't want to say the words."

"Darling that's not what I meant, at all. I love you so much, I just want you to be happy."

"Then why can't you see that I'm happier with you than I have ever been in my life? You're not holding me back, you're holding me up! You want me to need you like I did in the beginning? Well, here is the truth. You will always be Tom Hiddleston, regardless of what happens between us. If we get married, I'll be Mrs Hiddleston. If we don't, I will always, for the rest of my life, be Tom Hiddleston's ex. Not Kate Allen, well-known in her own right because she's so talented. Just Tom Hiddleston's _former_ fiancée. So please, tell me again how I came in to your life at a really bad time, when you didn't want a relationship, and how I can just waltz right out again because you're giving me permission. And don't even start me on how I shouldn't care so much about you. Please, tell me how to _not_ love you." She could see tears welling in his eyes and knew she had gone too far, but was too angry to say any more. She put the laptop down on the table and turned away from him, only knowing he had gotten up when she heard him close the bedroom door.

 

Hours later Kate woke up and realised she had gone to sleep on the couch. Packing away her laptop and putting it by the door, she went to the bedroom. Tom was sleeping soundly, she could hear his even breath as she undressed and put on a tshirt, being careful not to disturb him as she slid in to bed. She had never been uncomfortable in bed with him, and she didn't like it now. _Congratulations,_ she thought to herself, _now he's hurting as much as you are. Feel better?_  


She didn't.


	25. Say goodbye

When Kate's alarm began to buzz she rolled over and realised the bed was empty. For a few moments she lay in bed, listening to him in the shower. The lead ball in the pit of her stomach reminded her that she might not be back, and he might not want her back.

She showered quickly in the main bathroom and came back dressed, with her hair done and makeup on, ready to go to the airport. Tom was in the bedroom looking at his clothes, wearing a towel around his hips. She didn't want to meet his eyes, and went to the door to put the last things in to her bag. When she returned he was still not dressed, and she flopped down on to the bed, laying on her stomach. Laying her head down on her folded arms, she whispered in to the bed, "it wasn't supposed to be like this."

Tom turned around, trying to find the right words to fix it. But he couldn't, and he turned back to the wardrobe, choosing jeans and a hoodie. When he turned back he noticed she was playing with her engagement ring, and he sat down and took her hand in his. He could tell what she was thinking. "Don't," he said sternly. "You don't have to wear it, but you will keep it no matter what. Because I will always love you, no matter what." He cleared his throat and finished almost inaudibly "even if it's not enough."

Kate nodded, the ability to speak had escaped her. Luke knocked softly on the door. "You two ready?"

"Yes," Tom's voice shook slightly. "We'll be out in a minute." He sat down and put on his sneakers while Kate got up and took her bags outside, waiting for him at the car. Luke wrapped her in a tight hug, and Kate put her face against his shoulder and sniffed quietly.

"Oh god, you didn't work it out did you?"

"No," she said, pulling away as she heard Tom approaching. Luke got in the driver's seat and Tom pulled Kate in to a hug before she could get away. "I love you, Tom." she sobbed in to his chest. He felt so warm, so good with his arms tight around her. She didn't want to let go, didn't want to say goodbye. Tom kissed the top of her head.

"I love you too, Katherine." he whispered. They pulled away and got in to the back of the car. The drive was silent except for the radio, neither of them had any words left. Kate kept her gaze out the window, trying to hide her tears, and he tentatively reached for her hand. When she didn't offer it though, he pulled back. They arrived at the airport and Kate ordered them both to stay in the car, leaning over to kiss both of them on the cheek, and she managed to get in to the airport unnoticed. Tom said a silent prayer that she might turn around and run back, and when she didn't he covered his face with his hand to keep from crying out loud.

 

Kate sat on the plane feeling completely numb. It felt like she had said goodbye this morning, not just for a month but for good. The same thought was on a loop in her head. _What the fuck just happened?_  


 

Luke drove a few minutes in silence. "Tom, are you OK?"

"Yeah just give me a minute, I will be." he sniffed. "What the fuck just happened, Luke?"

"I have no idea buddy. No idea."

Half an hour later Tom looked out the window and actually saw outside for the first time. "Where are we going?"

"I thought you could do with a distraction. You have three hours, no filming, just rehearsing with Rodney and talking to people." he said as they pulled up at the set.

 

During the stopover in Houston, Kate made a call to Jennifer, their wedding planner. "Hi Jen, it's Kate Allen. I need a big favour."

"What's up honey?"

"Uh, well... I need to put everything, um... on hold. Don't cancel anything, just hold it for a few days. Maybe a couple of weeks."

"Is everything OK? I heard Tom was really sick?"

"Oh yeah he's going to be fine. It's just pushed the schedule out a bit and we don't know if we'll be... I mean when we'll be getting married now. Or if. I just need a couple of weeks to work it all out. I hope it will still happen on the same date but we're not sure."

"OK I'll handle it. Discreetly of course."

"Thank you, Jen."

 

When she got off the plane Adam was there to meet her. "Wow, personal service." Kate said, hugging him. "How's it been going?"

"Great! Not quite the same without you, though. Tom feeling better?"

"Yep." He eyed her, waiting for more information, and shrugged when she didn't give him any.

At the hotel, they dropped Kate's bags off and Adam went to his room while Kate called Ed. He was only two rooms away so she knocked on his door.

"Hey! Gosh it's good to see you!" He pulled her in to a tight hug. "Drink?" he asked, holding up a beer.

"Yes please," Kate said, closing the door behind her.

"Cheers," he said, taking a swig. "So how are we going to celebrate your return?"

"Ed, I need you to not throw me any curveballs tonight. Please? Tomorrow, whenever, just not tonight."

"What's going on?"

"I just had to tell the wedding planner to hold everything, we might not be getting married after all." she blurted out.

"Fuck. What happened?"

"I don't know. I said I wasn't ready to come back yesterday, and then everything just unravelled in to a big mess." Kate fought to stop the tears from escaping her eyes.

"I'm sorry sweetheart," he said softly. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. He said things, I said things. Most of them were true. He wants me to think about whether I really want to marry him and if I don't he'll let me go without an argument. That in itself makes me think I don't mean much to him, even though my heart tells me he loves me. It really hurt to hear that."

Ed hugged her again and silent tears tumbled down her cheeks. She stayed with him until it was time to get dressed for the gig, and she felt a little brighter once she was dressed in a sequinned tank top with skinny jeans and sparkly pumps.


	26. Moving It

"To the return of the wonderful Kate!" Ed said, holding up his glass. "May she never leave us again!"

Kate, Craig and Adam clinked their drinks with his and took their first sip. "Nice to have you out with us for a change, too." Adam said.

"Thanks guys. It's nice to be out having some fun!" Kate's phone pinged and she took it from her pocket. It was a message from Luke, he had promised to keep her updated while she and Tom gave one another some space. She was impressed to have made it all day without talking to either of them. _Quick visit to the set, rehearsed with Rodney, everything is fine. He's sleeping and he has everything he needs next to the bed. Hope you had a good gig, I'll call you tomorrow._  


"How's lover boy going?" Craig asked.

"Yeah he's good. That was Luke actually."

"Are you guys ok, you haven't talked to him tonight." Kate was choosing her words when she was saved by Ed dragging her to the dance floor.

"Awkward crisis averted!" He yelled, spinning her around. "I have to warn you, there might be fan girls. Turns out Phoenix isn't packed with VIP clubs. Who would've thought?"

A few drinks later, Kate was enjoying letting her hair down. It had been a long time since she had been out on her own, especially to a club like this. After a few songs dancing with Craig she went to the bar to get more drinks. While she was waiting she felt someone standing behind her and turned to see Adam. "Oh it's you!"

"You should come out with us more often," he said in her ear. "It's nice to have a view that isn't Ed and Craig!"

"Haha thanks! I'm having so much fun, I haven't had this much fun in ages."

He pulled her around to face him, making her squeal. He ran his fingers through the hair that hung over her shoulder. "No, I don't imagine you have."

"Huh? No, Adam. No," his hand had moved to her cheek and before she could stop him his lips were on hers. Softly at first, he pressed harder as she tried to pull back, but she was hard up against the bar and couldn't move any further. She put her hands flat on his chest and pushed, but he was so much bigger and stronger than she was he barely budged. Beginning to panic, her last resort was to bring her knee up hard between his legs, and he finally stumbled back, yelling profanities at her. Ed was right behind him, and he put an arm around Kate's shoulders, guiding her out the door and up the half block to the hotel.

"What the fuck was that about?" Ed asked.

"I don't know! We were talking and then he was kissing me and I couldn't move. The more I tried to stop him the harder he pushed me in to the bar."

"I'm getting you to your room and then I'm going back to fucking kill him."

"No, you're not. Craig will bring him back. He's wasted, he didn't mean any harm. I don't think. If he did we can talk about it tomorrow. Please just let it go?"

"OK. Are you OK?"

"Yeah I'm fine. Just shocked! I think I'm better off than he is," she chuckled.

"Yeah remind me not to piss you off, that was one hell of a kneeing." Ed laughed loudly as they arrived at Kate's door.

"This might be.... nope this definitely is, the weirdest two days I've ever had. In my life."

"Let's see what happens tomorrow then!" He hugged her lightly. "See you in the morning. We leave at 9."

"6 hours. Rock star awesome." Kate giggled as she closed the door.

She got a glass of water and put on her pajamas, collapsing in to bed and falling asleep in a few seconds.

When Ed came to her door in the morning she was packed, dressed, and ready to leave. "Wow. You're chipper this morning!"

"I know! I need to show you something though, come in for a sec." She closed the door, turned her back to him and lifted her shirt. Across the top of her ribs was a pinkish red bruise starting to form, about a hand width wide. Ed clapped his hand over his mouth.

"That from Adam?"

"I think so. It's ok, I just thought you should see it. Seriously it's not a big deal, he had twice as much to drink as I did."

"It is utterly unacceptable, Kate. I don't know how you can just brush it off!"

"I'm not, I'm angry and you need to talk to him. But I'm not going to stomp my feet and insist you fire him, he's a good drummer."

"Oh I'll be talking to him, believe me."

When they opened the door, Adam was standing there, about to knock. "Oh. Uh, hi. Can I talk to you, Kate?"

"Come in," she said calmly. "Ed is staying."

"I want to apologise for last night. I was way out of line, and it won't happen again. I'm really really sorry. I had more to drink than I should have, and I obviously read the situation wrong."

"I'll say," Ed held up Kate's left hand. "Wait, where's your engagement ring?"

"Here," it was on her necklace. "I put it there last night because my hand was swollen after the gig. Wait, you thought I wanted you to kiss me?"

"Um, yeah. I'm really sorry Kate."

"Dude you left a huge mark on her back because you pushed her in to the bar!"

Adam went grey and looked like he might faint. "Oh god. I would never ever do that deliberately. Fuck. I'll organise a new drummer for you. I'm so sorry."

Kate glared at Ed. "We'll talk about it later. I'm not firing you, but we will talk about it. We have to go."

Kate's phone rang in the car on the way to the airport. "Good morning Lukey!" she said brightly.

"Kate, where were you last night?"

"I went out with the boys for a while, then came home. Why?"

"Are you alone?"

"Now? No, I'm in the car on the way to the airport. Luke, what's wrong? Is it Tom?"

"Tom is fine. Tom is fucking fantastic right now, because he's sleeping and hasn't seen it yet." He growled. "Call me when you can talk." He hung up.

"What was that about?" Craig asked her.

"I don't know. But Luke is _pissed off._ Did anything happen last night, aside from the obvious?" She asked Adam.

"No, not that I can think of."

"We drank, we danced, and then... the thing, and then we left. There were some questionable dance moves but that's it!" Craig said.

"Oh." Ed's face dropped. "Oh no. There was a pretty girl, a couple of them, wanting a photo of us together. So we, um, well we posed. You and me."

"That might explain it. But it's innocent, it's nothing. Don't know what he's got his panties in a twist about."

"Oh Shit. I do." Craig handed Kate his phone. There were photos, lots of them, on a gossip site. Mostly Kate and Ed messing around, but she could see how they looked sinister, and it was clear she wasn't wearing her engagement ring on her finger. Then she saw the photos with Adam, and they were much worse. There was no indication at all that Kate wasn't a willing participant.

Kate felt the blood drain from her face and she suddenly felt very cold. Luke had every right to be furious and Tom would be devastated. Of course everything was innocent and had an explanation, but that hadn't stopped the celebrity gossip sites running with it. All of them apparently. She was already being referred to as she had spat it at Tom: 'Tom Hiddleston's former fiancée'. Apparently she was moving on with Ed Sheeran, or was it Adam Powell, his drummer? Kate thought she might vomit.


	27. Consequences

_I'm coming to meet you in Vegas, I'm on my way to the airport. Don't talk to anyone until I get there._

Kate dialled Luke's number. "What?" He snapped.

"Firstly, I can explain, it was innocent and I've done nothing wrong. Secondly, you don't need to come here, you need to stay with Tom. And thirdly, what did you tell him?"

"I can cover the first two: even if it was innocent, and it doesn't look like it, you fucked up, Kate. As your publicist, and Tom's, it is now my job to minimise the damage. To both of you. I didn't tell him anything, he was only half awake when I left and I said I'd be back this afternoon. Declan is going to check on him in a couple of hours."

"Fuck, Luke."

"That's pretty much was I said. What the hell were you thinking?"

"OK, the dancing, the posing, that was harmless fun. We were having a laugh, it's nothing we don't do on stage. Tom has seen it. The kiss was forced upon me, I have a bruise to prove it, and if anyone bothered to post photos of the aftermath they'd see he came away much worse off than I did. I have a mean knee apparently."

"Wait, he _hurt_ you?"

"He was wasted and a bit more forceful than he should have been, he had me pinned against the bar."

"Christ, Kate. Tom is going to lose it."

"And to clarify about the ring, it was hanging around my neck. I put it there because my hand was a little swollen after the gig. It's been a while since I played for that long."

"OK, I need to meet with you, Ed and Adam as soon as I get to the hotel. I assume Ed is going to find a new drummer?"

"Ah, I told him that wasn't necessary."

"Well untell him. It is necessary. I'll be there in a bit over four hours, be camera ready just in case."

"Wait, Luke. What am I going to tell Tom?"

"I don't know, Kate. My job doesn't cover your relationship. Go easy though, he's broken up enough as it is, he doesn't need any more stress."

Kate went back to Ed and the boys and sat down next to Ed. "Luke is on his way to Vegas, he wants a meeting with us and Adam." She said quietly.

"Adam has offered to resign and I think maybe we should let him. It will add credibility to what happened."

"There has to be another way. Can't we fine him or discipline him or something? Luke wants him gone."

"Let me think about it and talk to him about it. He's really cut up about it, he had no idea it would blow up like this."

"Who else saw it? Like the whole thing?"

"Me, maybe a couple of other people. Why?"

"Because I bet there's video of me kneeing him. But that doesn't make a good story."

"The barman! He drew my attention to you, he was standing behind you. I'll see if I can get him to make a proper statement."

Ed walked off, phone in hand. Kate sent a text to Tom: _are you awake?_ His reply came much faster than she expected. _I am now._ Kate pressed the call button immediately, hoping to get it over with.

"Hi," he said sleepily. "What's up?" _He doesn't know. It's going to kill him and he has no idea. Oh it's good to hear his voice, even when he sounds so tired._  


"I have to tell you something. I need you to trust me and know that I would never intentionally hurt you."

"This is related to Luke taking off in a hurry, isn't it?"

"Yes," she gulped. "Tom, there's photos of me from last night. I went out drinking with the boys. It's not what it looks like."

"OK. Tell me what happened."

"There's some of Ed and I. They shouldn't worry you, they're innocent and nothing you haven't seen before. There were some fans of his and yours there with cameras. You know how it is."

"Is that it?"

"No. Adam... well he had too much to drink, and he kissed me. I tried to say no, and I tried to push him off... but you've seen the size of him. He ended up with a knee in his groin, but of course the photos of that haven't been published everywhere."

To Kate's utter surprise, Tom laughed. "Well he won't mess with my... he won't mess with fiery Kate again, will he?"

"No, he won't." She chuckled softly. "He's so sorry. He thought we had... well he thought I wanted him to. He noticed I wasn't wearing my ring and-"

"You're not wearing it?" He choked.

"No, I am, just not on my finger. Not last night. After the gig my hand swelled a bit, I'm out of practice playing keys that long and my wrist was aching. Anyway I took it off and out it on my necklace instead because it was so tight on my finger."

"Um, ok. I'm glad you called. I do trust you, Kate."

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I have to go, our flight is boarding."

"It was good to hear it from you, thank you. I'll talk to you soon, I hope."

Kate fidgeted for the entire short flight to Vegas, all the way to the hotel, and while they sat in a small conference room waiting for Luke.

"Kate! For the love of god would you sit still?" Ed snapped. She folded her legs and tried her best. When Luke arrived he gave Kate a hostile look and sat down.

"You spoke to Tom," Kate knew it wasn't a question, and nodded. "He's hurt Kate, he didn't need this."

Tears stung her eyes. She had thought she'd cleared the air with him and he was OK. "This wasn't supposed to happen." She said softly.

"I know. But it did, and we need to fix it. So-"

"Before you say anything, we have some extra information." Ed interrupted. "The barman, I spoke to him and he's writing a statement now. He saw the entire thing, and called me over to help. There will be footage of how it ended, and Adam has agreed to make a public apology."

"Wow. You guys have been busy. You willing to do it on camera?"

"Yes. At the gig tonight, too, if that will help."

"I think that will work. I need to speak to Kate alone, please." The others left and Kate started to fidget again. She was in trouble. Luke sighed loudly. "You have to be more careful. No more public shenanigans. If you want to fool around, do it somewhere private. Got it?" She nodded.

"That won't be happening again, Luke. I'm really sorry."

"As Tom's publicist, I should be tearing you a new one. That was careless and stupid and you have to think about his reputation now, too. That's what happens when you get involved with someone like Tom, you take on some responsibility for their career and their image. You could have seriously threatened that for him, and he'd probably forgive you. I wouldn't." Kate was starting to feel like a child in trouble with the principal. She looked down at the floor and nodded.

"And as his friend: if you were to actually cheat on him, public or not, so help me god, Kate, he's been through enough!"

"Luke I'm sorry," tears tumbled down her cheeks. "I wouldn't do that, you know I wouldn't. Please make him understand how sorry I am, when I spoke to him I thought he was OK."

"That was before he saw it."

"How do I fix this?"

Luke sighed again and squeezed Kate's shoulders. "I don't know. But you're my friend too, remember that. And I want you two to work it out. He'll get over it, it's just going to take some time. I'll write a statement and then I have to get back to him." He pulled her in to a hug. "Don't do that again, please?"

"I won't. Keep me updated?"

"I will."


	28. With or without you

As the tour went on Kate was starting to get her groove back. In her down time she forced herself to consider that her life might have to go on without Tom in it, that she would survive either way. She knew she could not continue to ignore the possibility that she might just be 'Tom Hiddleston's former fiancée', pretending her heart wasn't breaking wouldn't change anything. At two weeks in, with just over two weeks remaining until the tour finished and Christmas fast approaching, she had to make a decision. And she had to face the fact that whether she chose to stay or go, their future depended on Tom's heart as well as her own, and she may have to let him walk away.

Dealing with the hurt and emotions she had written four songs already, all of them almost to completion. One was an upbeat, inspirational song about moving forward, getting on with it and letting go. The others were not so upbeat.

On a cold rainy San Francisco morning, Kate woke up and switched off her alarm. She stood at the window, looking out at the rain, trying to decide how soaked she would get if she went running. As always she checked for messages on her phone, out of habit, and was disappointed to find none. Putting on her running clothes and waterproof jacket, she went down to the street and stepped out in to the rain. It was cold, but invigorating and purifying, and she ran for almost an hour before returning to the hotel. After a shower she dressed and went looking for breakfast, meeting Ed in the hall.

"Perfect timing, I want to discuss something with you," Ed said as he caught up with her.

"What are you going to throw at me today?"

"Nothing you can't handle," he winked. "I need to eat first."

Once their breakfast had arrived, Kate gestured to him, wondering what surprise he had in store for tonight's gig. He cleared his throat.

"If it doesn't work out, you know, with Tom... or even if it does... I know you said you weren't interested in going solo. But I'm starting my own label, and I really think you could do amazing things with your own style. No pressure, just think about it."

Kate had stopped with a forkful of poached egg and toast half way to her mouth. After a moment she shook her head. "No. But I'm intrigued, what does it have to do with Tom?"

"You said you were happy with what you were doing because it meant you could take time to go and visit him, wherever he is. I won't lie, it's kind of a solo job. There's a reason I'm single, I don't have time."

"There's your answer then. I'm not single. I'm engaged. I'm getting married."

"So you've made up your mind?" Kate didn't answer. She hadn't. She was hurt and confused that he had put her in this situation, and still angry that she had her heart broken just because she worried about him.

"Just, think about it. Think of it as your fallback if things don't work out the way you'd like." She nodded.

"How is he doing, anyway?"

"Good, he's back on set and they're almost back on schedule. Luke says he's doing really well."

"You still haven't spoken to him, have you?"

She shook her head. "Not since the Adam incident."

Kate's phone rang and she saw Emma's number on the screen. She hesitated before answering, having no idea what Tom had told her.

"Hey Emma," she answered. "How are you?"

"I'm good. How are you, Kate?" she heard a little concern in her voice.

"Yeah I'm all good. Sitting in rainy San Francisco having breakfast with Ed Sheeran. It's not all bad."

"Kate," she said softly. "Tom told me what happened. Can we talk? You haven't been to LA yet?"

"No, we're there the day after tomorrow for two nights. Is that where you are?"

"Yes. I'm actually staying in Tom's apartment for a couple of weeks, I have some auditions here."

"We can catch up when I'm there, then. I'll call you when we arrive."

She hung up and noticed Ed staring at her thoughtfully.

"What if we eased you in to it, gave you a taste of doing your own thing?"

"I'm listening,"

"You're doing the next tour in February. Mexico and Hawaii?"

"I think so."

"You're the support act." A huge grin spread over his face. "Do your stuff, do covers, borrow the boys, go solo. Whatever you want. Ten dates, fourteen days."

Kate thought for a few moments. It was only two weeks. "Sounds like fun!"

Ed high-fived her across the table. "You just wait, I'll be signing you in no time. Maybe you'll be the first."

 

Ed's old habit of throwing surprises at Kate for every gig hadn't diminished, and tonight was no exception. In Sacramento the gig was a little smaller but the crowd no less enthusiastic, and before the second set Ed decided Kate should open it with two of her own charts. Knowing no amount of arguing would change his mind, Kate went to the dressing room to change her top to a silver racer-back tank top. She almost always had to change in the middle, they all did, the lights on stage making them sweat so much their clothes were soaked and uncomfortable. As she walked out of her dressing room, Ed met her to walk her to the stage.

"Your guitar is ready to go, my lady." he said.

"My, what? No. No no."

"Oh, yes yes yes. I've heard you, you're ready. No more stalling. You wrote those songs with it. Time to stop hiding behind the piano."

Before she could argue any further the house lights were down and she was out of time.

 

Luke and Tom were sitting on the couch, both lost in their own books with a cup of tea. Luke's phone buzzed and he saw a message from Ed with a youtube link. _Thought you should see this before I make it public._  


Luke opened the link. It was Kate, on stage alone with her guitar. She was singing something he'd never heard before and it was magical. Tom looked up.

"Is that Kate?"

"Yeah. Get your laptop, you need to see this."

Tom sat mesmerised as he watched Kate on the screen. He almost expected her to appear the way she did when he had gone to her in Germany. Pale, too thin, and sad. Instead she was glowing, radiant and looked completely comfortable. He had always said she belonged on the stage, but away from the keyboard, just Kate and an acoustic guitar, she was so _exposed._ And it was incredible. He took his phone from his pocket to write a message to her, but couldn't think what to say. He hadn't really spoken to her since she left, and he had promised to give her space. She certainly seemed to be thriving without him. He put the phone back on the table.

"Wow. Just, wow."

"She's pretty special, huh?" Tom said. "I know you'll talk to her tonight or tomorrow, please give her my congratulations. She belongs up there. I'm really happy for her."

"Why don't you... where are you going?"

"To bed. I'm tired and I have an early start." Tom closed the door softly and leaned against it for a few moments. Why did doing what was best for Kate, what would make her happiest and give her the best chance of success, have to hurt so much?


	29. Family

"Whoever booked that flight the night after a gig should be shot," Kate said, rubbing her eyes as they collected their baggage at LAX.

"I hear you. I have two interviews this morning. Come with me?" Ed asked.

"No thanks. I'm meeting Emma for coffee. And I really don't feel like talking to journos this morning."

"Please come to the one this afternoon, then? It's a more casual one for MTV. You do realise everyone's talking about you, right?"

"Yes, everyone's talking about me. Because everyone's talking about Tom. Because he's not talking."

"Nope. They're talking about last night. You're trending."

"OK I'll do it. But I'm not talking about Tom. They can talk about me or not at all."

"Haha you're going to fit right in at MTV!"

 

Kate sent a text to Emma letting her know she was in LA and went to the cafe where they had agreed to meet. Emma had just arrived when Kate did, their cabs pulling up one in front of the other.

"Hello, lovely." Emma said. "I was just watching your performance from last night."

"Hi hon. It's really good to see you." Kate said. "How's it going?"

"Good, I had an audition yesterday that I think went really well. They want to see me again tomorrow."

"Well done, that sounds great."

"You were amazing last night, Kate. My god I had no idea."

"Thank you. I was so angry when Ed sprung it on me. But it was so exhilarating. He wants me to be the support act for the next leg. Actually he wants to sign me as a solo artist."

"Kate! That's amazing! Tom didn't tell me that!" she grabbed Kate's hands across the table, and then watched her face drop. "He doesn't know?"

"No. Ed only brought it up yesterday. It's not public knowledge and I want to keep it quiet until I decide."

"You haven't talked to Tom since yesterday though?"

"I haven't spoken to him since we started the tour. He wanted some space. We both needed some space to make some decisions."

"Oh honey. I don't even know what to say. You two are so amazing together, I don't understand."

"You said he told you what happened."

"He said some things were said, he didn't really go in to detail."

"Emma, your brother is an amazing man and I love him dearly. He basically told me if I was going to worry about him then we shouldn't get married."

"Huh?"

"For a man who is so well spoken, highly intelligent, and has such a way with words, he can say some stupid stupid things." Kate shook her head. "Luke thinks he's struggling with the idea that I don't need him any more. That I'm standing on my own feet, doing my own thing, and loving every second of it. Maybe he doesn't know where he fits in, and he thinks he's holding me back."

"Men are stupid."

Kate laughed loudly. "That is _exactly_ what I said! So he told me to go away and think about it. And I am."

"And?"

"And I know what I want. I want to marry him. I want to be his wife. But not like this. I need him to see that it's a partnership, we're two individuals who have our own lives, and that works for us. We support one another, it doesn't always have to be one sided." She paused and thought for a moment.

"I want him to want to be with strong and confident Kate as much as weak and needy Kate. I'm proving to myself that I can have a career with or without him, that I can shine either way. I'm not doing it to hurt him or spite him. I want to be his wife, but I don't want to be _just_ his wife. Sometimes he's almost too supportive, like he thinks if he doesn't push me I'll just give up and follow him around. Him and Luke made the decision for me to come back on tour, and they talked about me like I wasn't in the room! For a long time I didn't trust my own instincts, I didn't think I could be trusted to make my own decisions. I do now, and I want to. I feel like he's second guessing everything I do, he thinks I'll do whatever is right for him, not for me."

"You need to talk to him, Kate."

"I know. But I want him to take time and think about it too. And how do I know he wasn't giving me a way out because that's what he wants? Maybe he wants me to leave. Why else would he try so hard to talk me out of marrying him?"

"I know him better than most people, and I can tell you now he loves you. He wants to marry you, or he would never have asked. Tom doesn't do things like this lightly."

"He doesn't say things lightly, either. So why did he suddenly want me to not care about him?"

"He's trying to protect you."

"From what?"

"From him. From his lifestyle, most women would have run for the hills by now and you've embraced it and actually seem to love it. Maybe he thinks you're just trying to keep him happy. He doesn't want you to look back in a few years and wish you'd settled down with some regular joe and had the children and the house and the nine to five job."

"If I wanted that I wouldn't be marrying him! You see what I mean about him not trusting me to make decisions? He thinks I can't think for myself so he sent me away for a month to think! He thinks I'm marrying Tom the celebrity, the hugely successful actor on the red carpet with the screaming fangirls, and that's where it stops. That's part of him, but it's such a small part. The Tom I fell in love with is the one I spent a week with in LA, the kind, gentle, loving Tom. The man who was rendered speechless by little old me, who said he was in love with me after less than a week, who knew me well enough to send me the _perfect_ guitar, not just the most expensive one. And the one who says goodbye to me at the airport without guilt or apology from either of us, because we're doing what we love, and being apart doesn't make me love him any less." Tears welled in her eyes and she looked down at the floor, taking a sip of coffee.

"Men are stupid," Emma said after a few moments, making Kate laugh. "Hiddlestons are no exception. Call him, Kate. Tell him."

"I can't yet. What if..." she drew a shaky breath. "What if he says he's changed his mind? He wants to be single and focus on his career like he was happily doing before. What if he doesn't want to marry me any more? There are moments where I feel so bulletproof that it doesn't matter. Most of the time the mere thought shatters my heart in to tiny pieces and I'm not sure I would survive."

"So you're going to ignore it for a bit longer, until you go back to Shreveport?"

"Pretty much."


	30. MTV

Kate knocked quietly on Ed's hotel room door and he opened it, ushering her quietly inside. It was full of blinding lights and cameras and three chairs were set up, Kate guessed one for the interviewer and one each for her and Ed. As she walked further in to the room she was approached by a woman in her thirties with long brown hair, her hand outstretched.

"You must be Kate, I'm so glad you could make it. I'm Brenna, I'll be interviewing the two of you today. Ed has filled me in a bit on what he wants to talk about and we're sticking with musical stuff, OK?"

"Yeah that sounds great," Kate said, wondering exactly what Ed had told her. She made herself stop sliding her engagement ring around and around her finger.

They sat down and got started with a few questions just for Ed, about the tour and taking extra musicians on the road with him.

"... and if I hadn't, the world would never have known about the exceptional talent of Kate Allen." he said. Kate blushed and tried not to look down at the floor.

"Aww, thanks mate."

"So Kate, you've gone from Disney artist, to backing vocals, to performing your own stuff at Ed's shows. That must be an amazing experience." Brenna said.

"He's given me the most amazing opportunities. He likes to throw me a challenge pretty much every gig and see what I do with it, which is amazing and terrifying all at the same time!"

"We saw you perform a couple of your own songs, with a guitar. And I think I heard haven't been playing it very long?"

"Um, no. Guitar was always a huge challenge, I just never thought I was cut out for it. Ed started teaching me a bit and then when we had a break and I was in Louisiana without a piano I picked up Tom's guitar and gave it another go."

"The one you're playing now isn't Tom's though, is it?"

"No, it was a surprise gift when we started this tour."

"From Tom?"

"Yes. It's beautiful, it has a lovely warm tone and it really suits my hands, I find it really easy to play."

"You recently had to be replaced for a few gigs to rush back to him while he was in hospital, how is he doing now?"

"He's much better. Back on set and recovering well."

"So you'll be joining him in Shreveport when the tour is over in a couple of weeks?"

"I'm not sure yet. Home is in London and I have some other projects to prepare for so we'll see. I guess it will depend on a few factors, one of them being how close they are to wrapping."

"Any details you can give us on the wedding plans?"

"Hahaha no, I'm guarding those with my life."

"It was worth a shot," Brenna laughed. "Ed there are rumours you're starting your own record label. Will Kate be your first signing?"

"Gee I hope both of those things happen. For now there's nothing official though, I'm still under contract so nothing will happen until next year either way. It's something I'd love to do one day, but it takes a lot of planning and commitment and responsibility as well, so we will see."

"Well we look forward to seeing you both on stage tonight, and I personally can't wait to see some wedding pics, Kate!"

 

"Easy peasy," Ed said when they had gone. "Handled like a pro. Can you come to all my interviews? Your personal life is much more exciting than mine."

"Yes, unfortunately it is." Kate sighed. "I have to go and get dressed, we're leaving in half an hour."

"OK. How was your date this morning?"

"The one with Tom's sister? Good."

"Feel better about the whole situation?"

"Nope. Confused as hell."

 


	31. Fly Free

"I have news, and I'd like to make a toast!" Ed said from his seat at the end of the booth. The tour was over, and they were celebrating quietly at the hotel's piano lounge. "Our very own Kate Allen will not only be joining us for the next tour, she will also be the support act. So, a toast. To Kate Allen, solo artist."

They clinked their glasses together and laughed. Kate would have blushed if she wasn't already a few drinks in.

"Well done Kate, congratulations." Adam said.

"Can't wait to hear you, mate." said Craig.

Kate felt settled and at home with the boys now, like she really did belong there. This was what she was meant to do. She squashed down the emotions in her stomach again, not wanting to think about Tom. She was supposed to go back tomorrow, she had a flight booked to Shreveport in the afternoon. She was supposed to... Ed planted another drink in front of her and stopped her train of thought. "So the record label? It's happening. It's all happening, Kate!"

"Oh my god, congratulations! How exciting!"

"I know! I can't believe it. Everything just happened much quicker than I expected." He took her hand and looked at her across the table. "Kate, I really, really, would be honoured if you'd be my first artist. Please? Me and you, we make beautiful music!"

Kate laughed. "We do, don't we? I just, I haven't made up my mind about, you know. And I should discuss it with him, and Luke, and... you know what? Fuck it. Let's do it!"

"Serious?"

"Absolutely."

"Woo hoo! I have another announcement!" Ed raised his glass despite Kate's protests. "I have, just now, officially signed my first artist. Katherine Allen, welcome to Gingerbread records!"

Adam and Craig clapped loudly. "OK before anyone gets too carried away, we have not actually officially signed anything. And this stays between us until I talk to Luke. Got it?" They all nodded, then clapped and cheered again.

A couple of hours and drinks later, Adam and Craig had gone to bed, leaving Kate and Ed alone in the booth. It was almost 3am and Kate was deliberately avoiding going to bed.

"What are you going to do tomorrow?" Ed asked.

"I don't know. I honestly just don't know. I don't think I want to go back. Not because I don't love him but because I don't want to have the conversation. What if he's decided he doesn't want me? I haven't spoken to him in a month. What if he's moved on?"

"I promise he hasn't moved on. What has Luke said?"

"Luke refuses to get involved. He's been updating me on his professional life and his health, but that's it."

"You have to go back and talk to him, Kate. You can't just leave it."

"If I have to hear him say the words, I don't think I'd ever recover." Tears filled Kate's eyes and when she tried to blink them away they fell on to her cheeks. "To hear him say it's over... I just can't."

"You'd rather be the one to end it and never know what might have been?"

"Maybe. No. I don't think I could do that to him, either. What the fuck am I going to do, Ed?"

"I don't know sweetheart but you're going to have to decide." He yawned.

"How about I sleep on it and hope the answer just comes to me in the morning?"

"Sounds perfectly reasonable, but that might be the alcohol talking."

Bolstered by alcohol, Kate went to her room and sent a message to Luke. _Are you awake? I need to talk to you._  


She didn't expect a reply, and jumped when her phone rang. "What's wrong?"

"I woke you, didn't I?"

"No actually, we just got home."

"From where?" She heard Luke sigh loudly. "Drinks."

"With Tom."

"Yes."

"And who else?"

"Christ Kate does it matter? Elizabeth and Rodney."

"What for?"

"For nothing. Tom wanted to get out of the house so we went out for dinner and had a few drinks. I'm guessing this isn't what you wanted to talk about."

"No but it's related."

"I am not getting involved. I've told you that already. He's fine, he hasn't needed any meds, he's had a follow up with the doctor, the film is going great. Everything is fine. We done?"

"No actually, we're not. Put your professional hat on for a minute, would you? Ed wants to sign me to his record label as a solo artist. And I'm going to be the support act for the next tour. I'm going to need you to look over contracts."

"Now? Aren't you coming back tomorrow?"

"I don't know. But I need you to keep this to yourself, ok?"

"OK. That's great news, you should be proud."

"I am. Luke, I need to know what I'm in for if I come back there."

"What do you mean?"

"Are we talking 'god I've missed you' or 'the wedding is off'"

"Kate, for the last time..."

"Please Luke," Kate cried, "please. I need to be prepared. If I have to hear the words from him I don't think I'll cope."

"Fuck I'm not sober enough for this. I don't know exactly. He misses you. A lot. But,"

"But?"

"But I'm not sure. He's spending a lot of time alone, thinking about you I assume. He's usually an open book to me but I just can't read him. You need... you need to be prepared to hear him say it. That it's over. I'm not saying he's going to, I'm saying I don't know."

"Oh god Luke," Kate sobbed. "I can't. I can't do it."

"I'm sorry sweetheart. I wish I could tell you it will all be ok, that he's been pining away waiting for you to return. You need to talk to him."

"I can't. I just. I can't."

Kate hung up and went down the hall, knowing Ed was in his room, alone and probably not asleep yet. She knocked softly and fell in to his arms when he opened the door.

"Come in, Kate." He wrapped his arms tight around her while she sobbed in to his chest. "I think it's over. I can't talk to him, I can't hear him say it. It will break me."

"You talked to Luke?"

"Yeah. He's not sure. But my gut tells me it's over."

"You want to stay with me?"

"Yes, please."

"OK. Come on then."

Ed took Kate's hand and led her slowly to the bedroom, turning the lights off as he went, until only the dim bedside lights were left on.

"Were you just talking to Kate? It's after 3am!"

"Yeah, I was. She's fine. Go to bed, you're filming in the morning."

"Why was she calling you, Luke?"

"It was professional, not personal."

Tom leaned his head on the door frame and sighed sadly. "She's not coming back, is she."

"You need to talk to her."

"No, I don't, I can tell enough from talking to you. She's not coming back, is she?"

"Tom, I said I wouldn't do this, for either of you. And I'm not."

He flopped down on the couch and put his head in his hands. "I've been thinking so much, trying to work out what to do. And I still don't know. I love her so much. But that alone isn't enough, I don't think. It's like she's chasing her dreams and if I try to hold on to her she'll stop. I don't want that. I have to let her go."

"She doesn't need to come back then, does she?"

"I guess not." He stood up. "I was so sure this would work out. So so sure. I don't understand how it went so horribly wrong, I'm not sure I ever will."


	32. The letter

_My darling Thomas,_

_I know this is not the same as talking to you, or even the same as a letter. But it will have to suffice, and you'll have to bear with me as I do not have your way with words._

_When you get this I will be on my way to Louisiana as I promised. I have thought a lot about what I want with both my head and my heart. I desperately want for you to be a part of my future. To be my husband. To be the father of our children._

_Some things have changed though, and you need to know. I have signed a record contract with Ed's new label, and I've signed on for the next tour. I have worked too hard to miss out on such an amazing opportunity, and I know you'd be disappointed if I didn't accept._

_As I said before, you don't hold me back, you hold me up. When I'm on top of everything, when I'm shining, and when I don't think I can stand any more. I understand what you do, and I don't ever wish you didn't. You have no need to apologise or feel guilty for leaving when you need to, just as I don't and won't. This works, Tom. We were making it work and we were both thriving in what most couples would find an impossible situation._

_We are equals and we are a team. If you need me, I will be there, and sometimes I will worry that you're not looking after yourself, just as you have done in the past for me. And I know if I need you, you are there. That's where my confidence was built, you gave me that. Knowing you would be there no matter what I thought I could take on the world. Now I know I can do it on my own, and I'm glad, it makes me feel stronger to know that if I have to be, I alone am enough. I would rather not be though, I want to share it with you._

_I'm writing this because I wasn't sure what you were going to say, and while I mostly feel strong, the thought of hearing you say it's over is more than I can stand. I'm not sure I can bare my soul and turn up on your doorstep in the hope that you still want to marry me._

_So here it is. I will be staying at the Hilton and I'll be in the bar at 6. If you've changed your mind, I won't see you there, and there won't be any hard feelings. I'll wish you all the happiness and success in the world. This way I don't have to hear you say the words, and I can bid you farewell. I'll go back to London and collect my things before you get back._

_I love you so much my darling Tom. I hope to see you this evening, but if not remember always that I love you._

_Love, Katherine._

It was almost 10 am and Kate was ready to leave the hotel. She clicked on Send and realised the lead weight had returned to the pit of her stomach. She hoped by tonight it would be gone. Either way this time tomorrow she would be checking out of the Hilton. The uncertainty was terrifying. She sent a text to Luke asking him to make sure Tom looked at his emails, and her phone rang.

"I meant to call you first thing. You've seen it already, haven't you?" Luke sounded on edge.

"Huh? Seen what? I just sent Tom an email and he needs to see it as soon as possible, and I know you're with him."

"Oh. Uh, there's photos from last night. Remember the ones of you that turned out to be completely innocent? Keep that in mind. There's nothing going on, it was just a friendly kiss and they've neglected to mention that Rodney and I were there. OK? If anyone asks, you know Tom and Elizabeth are just friends. You don't need to say any more than that, and I'm not sure what you would say anyway."

Kate sat down on the bed and said softly. "They're not just friends though, are they, Luke? It wasn't just friendly, was it."

"Kate, it's comp- he wouldn't cheat on you, you know that."

"It's not cheating if he's already made up his mind, is it! Is there something there, or not?"

"I'm not in his head, so I don't know. There certainly is from her side, and there might be from his. It's hard to say." Kate covered her mouth with her had.

"Go in to Tom's emails please, and delete mine."

"Kate, I can't,"

"Yes, you can. Be my publicist, save me some dignity, and delete the email. Now."

"OK. Hold on." She could hear him typing in Tom's password and clicking the mouse. "Done."

"Thank you. Can you come and see me tonight at the Hilton? I'm going to need some help sorting some stuff out."

"OK. Are you OK?"

"No. No I'm not."

Kate hung up and sat in shocked silence. _It's over. It's really over. He has someone else._ The words repeated over and over in her head. She fidgeted with her ring before taking it off her finger and putting it in to the small zipper compartment in her bag. Her Louis Vuitton bag, that Tom had given her. The ring. The guitar. The necklace, the bracelet. She didn't realise she was crying until Ed knocked on the door.

"Did you send it?" He asked, searching her face. All Kate could do was shake her head. "Why not?"

She took out her phone, knowing a quick Google search would give her the gossip from last night. And it did. Without reading it herself she handed it to him and he sat down, clapping his hand over his mouth. "Nah, Kate, he wouldn't. You know he wouldn't."

"I know there are mutual feelings there and the only thing holding him back is me. That's enough. We're done."

"Are you sure? How do you know?"

"Luke," she sobbed. "I asked and he told me. If he's noticed there's something there it must be pretty fucking obvious."

"I'm sorry sweetheart. You were so calm about everything this morning, I really thought it was all going to work out."

"So did I," she whispered in to her hands.


	33. Pieces

Kate was unimpressed when she arrived at the airport and was greeted with a million questions about Tom. It was really the last thing she needed, and she felt so raw that for once she just didn't say anything at all. She was grateful to get to the lounge and sit on her own with her earphones in. Since saying goodbye to Ed she had been barely holding herself together, she felt raw and exposed. Her body ached, and her chest hurt, and she wondered if her heart was actually, literally, broken.

After a short sleep on the plane and a cab ride that seemed to go on forever, Kate was checked in to the Hilton. 5pm. She sent a text to Liz, hoping she could talk, and her phone rang a minute later. "Hey Lizzie,"

"Hi honey. What's wrong?"

"Tom and I. We're not... we're done."

"No.. what happened?"

"He.. I.."

"Oh, Kate, it doesn't matter. Are you coming home?"

"I can't. I have to go back to London and pack. And find somewhere to live. It all just fell apart, Liz."

"This isn't about that other woman, is it?"

"Not really. He didn't cheat or anything. I think it was over before last night. I have some other news though, Ed has started his own record label and I'm going to be his first signing. And I'm going to be the support act for the next tour in February."

"Kate that's amazing news! I'm so proud of you!"

"Thanks, sis."

"Oh I have to go, Luke is here. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Take care Kate, call me whenever you need to."

Tom returned to his trailer to get his bag and was surprised to find Declan. "I thought you'd be gone already."

"Luke asked me to drive you home,"

"Overprotective sod he is, I can drive myself. OK then, let's go."

As they walked to the gate Elizabeth caught up to them. "You doing anything tonight?"

"No Lib, I'm still shattered from last night! Dec is just driving me home, Luke already took the car."

"Why don't I drive you? It's on the way, I don't mind."

"Um, yeah OK. Thanks,"

When they arrived at Tom's house he was surprised to find Luke not there. The car wasn't there and the house was dark. He had tried not to have any expectations but he knew Kate was finishing today, and if she was coming she'd be here by now, and the lights would be on. He sent a text to Luke and got an immediate reply 'just in town organising some stuff for another job. Might be a while.'

"You're coming in?" He said when Lib got out of the car.

"Oh, just to make sure you get in ok. Then I can go if you want."

"You can stay, I'm not doing anything, just having dinner and an early night."

Tom began to wonder if she might have other ideas. She was lovely, yes. But he was engaged to Kate. Supposedly at least. Either way he wasn't ready for that, he still held out hope that she would come back. He went to the kitchen and got leftovers from the fridge, heating them in the microwave. They sat at the table and talked easily about the film, and other films. She was easy to talk to and his worry about what she was up to had soon diminished.

"How are you?" Luke asked sincerely. Kate shrugged. "I know this is hard, and it's awkward, but tonight I'm here for you, Kate. Your publicist, and your friend. And I am sorry you're going through this."

"Thanks," she managed to get out. "I just want to sort everything out. I need somewhere to live and I need to move my stuff. Quickly. Before Christmas."

"I'll get on it tonight. If I can't find somewhere you can stay with me until we do."

"I need a flight to London tomorrow. Actually, Sydney. Then I'll come back to move my things to the new place."

"OK I'll sort that out too. Can I do anything else for you?"

"No. Ed is going to send the contract straight to you, if you review it I'll sign it."

"Will do. Congratulations by the way, you earned that. You should be proud."

"Thanks," she said softly. "No releases yet, I haven't told my family." She stopped for a moment to think. "Make the flight to London and I'll pack everything up and put it in storage. Then when I get a place I can move it. Could you organise the piano though? It's the only piece of furniture I need to move, it will have to wait until I have a place."

"Consider it done. Kate, you need to slow down, take a breath."

"I can't, Luke. If I stop... I can't breathe.." she wiped her cheeks roughly and continued. "I'll call Tom tomorrow before I go. I assume this is what he wants anyway, but-"

"This is not at all what he wants, Kate. Give him some credit, he loves you."

"What's that saying about setting someone free if you love them, then? Anyway, he should probably hear it from me so it's official and he can move on. Can I see any releases before they go out, please? I'd like it to appear mutual. I guess it is mutual."

"OK," Luke moved closer to her on the couch and put an arm around her shoulders. "Stop. Right now. Breathe."

"Luke-

"This is my job. I'm making sure you're fit to carry on your job before you sign a new contract, and if you keep this up you will explode. Breathe. Feel it. It hurts, I know, but you can't get through it by pushing it down. Let it hurt, let it out."

Kate couldn't take any more, she leaned in and Luke held her tight while sobs racked her body. It felt like hours had passed before she could take a breath, and the tears didn't want to stop, flowing in rivers down her face and neck and on to her pink blouse. Eventually Luke made her a cup of tea and tucked her in to bed. He wanted to stay with her but she wouldn't let him, so he drove back to Tom's house.

When he arrived his stomach dropped. Elizabeth's car was in the driveway. He dearly wanted to give Tom the benefit of the doubt here, but he found it difficult to be OK with him hanging out with someone else while he consoled Kate. The front door was unlocked and he opened it quietly, gasping when he saw them kissing on the couch. He slammed the door closed, hard, making them both jump. He felt sick, not for himself, but for Kate. It was all true.

"You think you could get a room, or, you know, break it off with your fiancée first? Fuck, Tom. Seriously?" They both looked confused, Elizabeth looked mortified as she picked up her coat.

"I have to go, I'll see you in the morning."

"What the fuck, Tom. How could you?"

"How could I what? She kissed me, just now, and I was in the process of stopping it."

"Looked like you were hating it."

"What are you my relationship counsellor? Christ, it lasted all of a couple of seconds!"

"He's right. It was me, I got carried away and I was out of line," Elizabeth interjected.

"No, Tom. I'm your publicist. I'm also your friend, and Kate's. And it's a bit much to swallow when I just spent hours consoling her broken heart and come home to find you with someone else!"

"I- wait. You were with Kate? She's here?"

"Yeah. She's at the Hilton. She had- it doesn't matter. She's devastated, Tom. Broken. Lib, you need to go. Tom and I need to talk."

"Yes we do. Why didn't you tell me she was here?"

"She asked me not to."

"Not good enough."

"Check your emails, in deleted items. She sent that this morning, then she saw the photos of Elizabeth and you from last night. All I told her was that she was clearly interested but you'd never cheat on her. She insisted I delete the email before you saw it."

Tom's eyes skimmed over Kate's words, reading more thoroughly a second time. Tears began to spill down his cheeks. "She thinks I don't love her? Don't want to marry her?"

"She knows you love her. But she does think you wanted out."

"Never. I did that for her, not me. Fuck. What have I done? Is she gone?"

"No but she's sleeping. She was in bed when I left her."

"What do I do, Luke?"

"You read it, that's what she needs from you. Trust her to make her own decisions. Although at the moment the her decisions are coming from the depths of despair and she wants a flight home to pack and move out tomorrow. So if you're going to do something..."

"Do it now," Tom said. He paced the room, running his fingers through his hair.


	34. Salvage

Tom took out his phone and sent a text to Kate. 'Are you awake? Can we please talk?'

Laying in bed a few miles away, Kate didn't reply. There was only so much torture she could take. Hearing his voice would be too much. She ignored his calls and switched off the phone.

He was still pacing, making Luke dizzy. "She's turned it off," Tom said, putting his phone down on the table. "I think I have to go over there."

"If she won't answer your calls, she sure as hell isn't going to open the door, Tom."

"Then please, help me. What do I do? How do I fix this?"

Luke thought for a moment. "Do you have feelings for Elizabeth? Don't lie to me."

Tom shook his head. "She's lovely, we get along well, we're friends. What you saw... that wasn't me."

"Why haven't you talked to her before now?"

"She wanted space, I was giving it to her. I made her so angry. And then the more time passed the more she seemed to shine, on her own. She looked so happy, I didn't want to ruin it. I honestly thought she would decide to leave, Luke. I thought I was doing the best thing for her, letting her be free."

"What's best for you, though? What do you want?"

"I want my girl back. I want to be a part of it, and have her come home to me when the tours finish and she's worn out. To come and surprise me on set, fall asleep on my chest, tell me I'm too thin and worry that I'm not getting enough sleep. I want to marry her. I want Kate to be my wife."

"Go to bed. You can't do anything tonight. You might not be able to fix this, Tom. Be prepared for that. I'll see what I can come up with to keep her here."

"You really think I can sleep right now?"

"Go stare at the ceiling then. You have a huge day tomorrow."

Kate switched her phone back on at 5am when she woke up. She had 5 voice mails from Tom, and she deleted them without listening. She also had a message from Luke. 'Call me as soon as you get this. Tom won't bother you anymore I confiscated his phone and sent him to bed.' She giggled a little, knowing he probably wasn't exaggerating. She pressed the call button without thinking and got a very sleepy sounding Luke.

"Sorry. Just doing as I was told. What's up?"

"You need to talk to Tom before you go."

"I'm hanging up now."

"No, you're going to listen or I'll cancel your flight."

"Luke-"

"Just, listen. There's nothing between him and Elizabeth. Nothing. I believe him, I shouldn't have assumed and I shouldn't have said anything to you without asking him straight out. He loves you and you owe him a chance to be heard."

"I can't."

"You can. He wants to marry you, Kate. He loves you and he wants to be with you. He saw the email. Please just hear him out, and then you can go."

"OK. I'll come there."

She hung up and went to the bathroom. Her stomach churned, she wasn't sure if she was more at peace thinking it was over than having to hear his voice. As she warmed the shower she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she looked awful.

Kate was on the doorstep half an hour later, wearing jeans and a thick cardigan with a blue scarf around her neck. She knocked quietly, not wanting to wake Tom and knowing Luke was waiting for her. When he opened the door he hugged her tight and closed it behind her. "I haven't woken him up yet, I thought you might like tea first."

"Yes please."

Kate sat down at the kitchen bench. "What time is my flight?"

"Um about that. 5pm. Tentatively."

"Confirm it please. I don't want to get there and not have a seat."

"I will, after you two talk. I wouldn't force you if I didn't think there was a chance you could work it out."

Kate sighed.

"Can I ask you something? What would he have to say or do to make it ok?"

Kate thought for a long moment before answering. "That he loves me, he'll stop thinking everything I do or don't do is for him."

Luke laughed out loud. "That's it? Fuck you two are complicated!"

"It's more than that, it's about showing me. I need to feel it."

They both looked up when they heard the shower running. "Well you've got him out of bed early for the first time in a month."

"How is he, really?"

"He missed you a lot. He'd have been miserable if he wasn't so busy, I think. That's what kept him going. Health wise he's good, still has a lot of headaches and wheezing but definitely improving. Do you want some breakfast?"

Kate's stomach lurched. "No. Thanks."

Tom walked out of the bedroom and was clearly surprised to see Kate. He smiled and then covered his mouth with his hand as his eyes welled with tears. "Hello, darling. Can we talk?"

"Yes, Tom." Kate managed a faint smile, hiding the turmoil inside.

"I'm going to have a shower, and, yeah. Leave you to it." Luke hurried off, and Tom and Kate sat down on the couch.

After a few moments Tom turned his face to Kate's. "Gosh I don't even know where to start."

"Me either." Kate kept her eyes down on her lap. She had her bag still in her hands and she played with the light blue leather straps between her fingers.

"I'm really proud of you. The contract, the gigs, the tour. I'm so glad the world is going to see how amazing you are."

"Thank you. I want you to know something, I decided that on my own. And I'm sticking with it, whatever happens with us."

"Of course. Kate, I want you to. I did question your choices. I know he's offered before to record your stuff, and I thought you said no because of me. Now I see you didn't, you just weren't ready. I'm sorry I didn't trust you."

"I love the way our lives were going. I know you expected me to hate us being apart, but having both of us do what we love makes it ok. Good, even. I am never going to be the one following you around just so we can be together. If that's what you want-"

"It's not what I want. What I want is you. My Kate. The one who is sometimes too busy being excited for both of our careers that she forgets to miss me. My feelings haven't changed, I want you to be my wife. But my thinking has changed, and I realise I was pushing you. I knew I was pushing you to succeed, I didn't know I was pushing you away in the process, and I'm sorry for that. I thought I knew better, and it turns out I don't." He took a shaky breath. "I need to tell you something else. Elizabeth drove me home last night. We had dinner here and when we were watching television she kissed me. I stopped her, but I thought you should know."

Kate couldn't hold it back anymore, she put her face in her hands and let tears flow from her eyes. Tom went to put his arm around her but hesitated. He couldn't take it if she pulled away.

"I have no feelings toward her at all, we're just friends. You've always trusted me before, and I've trusted you. Please believe me." Kate nodded without looking up. "Kate, look at me. Please." She slowly lifted her head and turned her body toward him, allowing him to take her hands in his. For the first time he noticed she wasn't wearing her ring and tears fell down his cheeks again as he looked in to her eyes. "I love you. More than I can find the words to say. I want you to be my wife, my partner, the mother of our children, my equal. I want to be by your side, watching you shine and succeed, on the end of the phone hearing about your day, and the man you come home to. You asked me to think about what I want. What I want, is you."

Kate bit her lip to steady it. "I love you, Tom. And I want more than anything to be your wife." She put her arms around his neck and he pulled her in to his lap, holding her close against him, letting her tears fall on his shoulder. She suddenly pulled away and reached for her bag, pulling her ring out of the zip pocket. Tom took it from her hand and slid it gently on to her finger.

"Better," he said, wiping tears from her cheek. He leaned in slowly and kissed her lips, gentle and soft. He ran his tongue across her bottom lip and probed for hers when she parted her lips. After a few minutes he rested his forehead on hers and closed his eyes. "I've missed you so much darling. Not talking to you was torture."

"Me too. I'm sorry, baby. I love you."


	35. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, that's the end of the series. I could honestly keep writing Tom and Kate until they're old and grey, I think Kate is special to me because she's the first original character I created (and she's Australian!).  
> Please please please let me know what you think! I'll be moving more of my work here, but you can also find me on tumblr storiesitellmyself[dot]tumblr[dot]com

Kate sighed, staring out at the rain over the gardens in Buckinghamshire. Early thus morning the sun had been shining, now it was cold and wet. The rain fell on the glass ceiling of the conservatory, making patterns all over the room. She swayed slowly. "No outside walks today, sweetheart. But that's OK, something much more exciting is happening." She smiled and turned to go upstairs. On the way something in the formal reception room caught her eye, and she went in. Inside the large cabinet a tiny ray of sunshine was reflecting on the gold academy award with Tom's name on it. She looked at the framed picture next to it and frowned a little. It had two stills from the film and she remembered how thin and sick he had been while filming. The one next to it was him and Kate together with the Oscar, and he looked more like the Tom she knew, stubble and all.

She smiled remembering that night. They had only been married a year, and would find out soon after that they were expecting. Kate had been recording in New York, her flight was delayed and she almost hadn't made it. "He's such a talented man, your daddy," she said. On her way out she straightened a large canvas, the beautiful couple on it smiling down at her. The blue ocean and white sand of the Seychelles set off the colours in the photo: Kate's white dress, pink roses and blue eyes, and Tom's grey suit and blue shirt. Looking at it made her smile every time, remembering the salt air, the sound of the water, the hot sun on their skin, the beautiful red and purple sunset as the celebrated in to the night. Seeing Tom's eyes glisten with tears as she walked down the sand to him, and all through their vows. The feeling of complete and utter happiness that she had thought might never happen.

Continuing upstairs, she checked the guest bedrooms and bathroom were ready for visitors. She stopped for a moment in another doorway, admiring the modern white nursery they had created together. Everything was white and pastels and it looked fit for a prince or princess. Sitting down in the rocking chair she sang softly while rocking. Kate had almost dozed off herself when she heard Tom at the front door.

"Darling, I'm home! And I brought surprises!"

Kate stood carefully and went slowly down the stairs, not wanting to risk her precious cargo. She gasped and almost ran when she saw a small boy run in past Tom, almost tripping him. "William? Oh my gosh you brought William! He's so grown up!"

"Not just William," Tom said, gesturing behind him. Lizzie and Jake followed along with Kate's parents, Nerida and Jeremy. Kate rushed them all in to the lounge room so they could sit down. She had been expecting her parents but Liz and Jake were a complete surprise. Handing a bundle of blankets to Tom she ran to Liz and hugged her tight, squealing just a little.

"May I introduce Matilda Elizabeth Diana Hiddleston," he said, gently lowering the tiny baby girl in to Nerida's arms. There were oohs and aahs all around as she stretched her tiny hands up out of the pink blanket. Tom stood behind Kate and put his arms around her waist, kissing the top of her head gently. "Surprise," he whispered.

"You did this? Brought them over?"

"I helped. Mostly with the keeping it from you," he chuckled.

"Kate, this place is incredible." Liz was wandering around looking out at the gardens.

"It is, isn't it? I knew when we saw it it would be perfect."

"You've got the palace, the Prince charming, the little baby princess. What's next?"

"A puppy," Tom said, grinning.


End file.
